What Women Want and How to Give It to Them
Copyright © W. Anton, 2010
All rights reserved.
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transferred in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic,
digital, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval
system, without the written permission of the author or publisher.
The author and publisher shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect
to any loss or damage caused, or alleged to be caused, directly or indirectly by any information presented
in this work.
Dedicated to all the beautiful women in the world,
especially those I have made love to.
PART I: THE MINDSET
PART II: THE MANNERS
PART III: THE MESSAGE
Eight BODY LANGUAGE
PART IV: THE METHOD
Ten THE LOCATION
Eleven THE WOMAN
Twelve THE APPROACH
Thirteen THE NUMBER
Fourteen THE CALL
Fifteen THE DATE
Sixteen THE KISS
Seventeen THE SEX
Eighteen THE RELATIONSHIP
My intention with this book is to turn your world upside down, to wake you up, and to open your eyes.
After you’ve read it, I sincerely believe that nothing will seem the same to you. Most of what you now
believe you know about women will change. Everything that previously made no sense will simply fall
into place. You may very well see all your past experiences, your current situation, and everything that
happens from this day forward in a completely new light. Issues that once concerned you and problems
that still concern others will vanish.
The ideas that I will present have the potential to improve the quality of your life significantly,
beyond your wildest expectations, if you allow them to. These ideas also run the risk of upsetting you, so
consider yourself warned. The book has not been written to make you feel good, but to help you become
Seduction is one of the most fascinating and misunderstood topics in the world, so let me start by
laying a solid foundation for understanding how things really are, because I doubt you already know. If we
were on the same page and you knew what I know, it is unlikely that you would be reading this. You
would have much better things to do. I sure do; otherwise, it would not have taken me years to complete
This book is written for a specific audience — namely, heterosexual males who are less romantically or
sexually successful with women than they want to be. Males who want to know how to form more than
just friendships with women. That is, almost all males. However, even though I believe anyone will find
my ideas fresh and fascinating, regardless of sex or sexual orientation, I will still presume the reader to
belong to the intended audience and that “he” understands the value and purpose of generalizations,
without becoming obsessed with their obvious limitations and occasional exceptions.
I would ask you to bear with me and become familiar with my own definitions of the words men and
males as well as women and females. The quickest way to describe their difference is that men and
women refer to attractive males and females, but I will delve deeper into this idea in a later chapter.
All males want women. However, not all males will admit this, and very few actually act like it.
Instead, most of them focus more on making money than on making love. They put more effort into getting
a promotion than getting a girl. They spend more time with males than with females and more time talking
about women than to women.
They do this because they believe they need to, not because they really want to, and they have either
no idea or too many bad ideas about how to get girls because no one teaches them how to seduce women
properly. Despite its significance in life and the universal expectation of the male to take the initiative,
courtship is something males are left to discover and learn all by themselves, and most never do. Parents
teach their sons all kinds of things, but they do not teach them how to find the woman of their dreams or
what to do when they see her. Boys certainly do not learn about seduction in school either, despite
spending more than a decade there preparing for supposed real life. All that males have are their friends,
who are just as clueless as they are, and ideas from movies, stories, and ads — ideas that are conceived
by similarly uneducated and inexperienced people and sometimes carried out with ulterior motives, such
as selling a certain product.
Thus, most males never really learn how to get the girls they want and just come up with foolish
ideas they try repeatedly until luck lands in their favor or a female finds them. This results in a hilarious
mess to watch for those of us who know how it all really works, but the mess is not as entertaining if
you’re in the middle of it.
Most males make excuses about why they avoid women altogether, or they approach women but
always with an excuse. The specific methods and maneuvers can vary endlessly, but they all have two
things in common: They are both indirect and ineffective, and they include pretending to bump into
women, asking to light their cigarettes, joining dance classes, asking for directions, dressing outrageously
to get attention, asking friends for introductions, forming strong friendships with women first, passing
notes in class, offering to buy drinks, and buying a cute puppy hoping it will run up to a woman or draw
her attention. It seems as if males will try anything other than walking up to women all by themselves and
talking to them without hiding their intentions as if women were highly dangerous or uninterested in men.
To be indirect and to rely on contrived circumstances to meet women is the norm, so no one ever
steps back and considers this process or its necessity, even though it is ineffective and odd. This pattern is
overlooked because it is so prevalent, like trees in a forest.
However, this approach makes very little sense to me. Life is too short. I do not have time to talk to
the attractive woman’s unattractive friends first or to learn how to dance salsa to meet more women. If I
see a woman I find interesting, I walk straight up to her and tell her so, and women absolutely love it!
While few males believe they will live forever and would laugh away the accusation of holding such
a belief as silly nonsense, most still act otherwise. With the decisions they make on a daily basis — and
the way they reason in the heat of the moment and postpone things until tomorrow — weeks, months,
years, and even decades can go by without much change in their situation with women. Slowly but surely
they are wasting their lives away one day at a time. No male wants to do this, but most believe it is
necessary and inevitable, and this belief governs their behavior.
The manner in which any male pursues women is based on his mindset, on all the beliefs he has
garnered about what women want and how to best give it to them. While most males believe that women
are attracted to things that are not natural to begin with, such as money, this is not the case. There is
obviously a natural way to attract women that does not rely on anything external, certainly not on anything
manmade like money. All males are actually born with these instincts but learn to repress them while also
learning to believe that women want things they actually do not want, and that is what this book is all
To understand males’ general behavior, such as why they spend more time pursuing money than
women, one has to examine their general beliefs. Our underlying beliefs determine our behavior. Our
mindset controls our manners.
The trouble is that we are not always aware of our beliefs or where they come from, and if we have
believed something for a very long time, we are not likely to challenge it. This is dangerous. Blind faith in
any endeavor tends to make people waste their lives on things that are not necessary and to do all kinds of
foolish things, and the endeavor to seduce is no exception. If you want to become better with women, your
first priority should be to make sure you are heading off in the right direction instead of following the
crowd, especially considering the fact that most males are not particularly successful with women. You
have to understand what makes most males believe women are to be pursued indirectly and where these
shared beliefs come from. It is surely not from experience, since even unsuccessful males seem to believe
they know what women want.
A male who wants to get better at seduction must understand what women want, what they are
naturally attracted to, and how that differs from what he has been raised to believe.
Nature and Nurture
Before we delve into the details of seduction, you need to adopt a new mindset — a new collection of
beliefs about how the world works — that is both more accurate and more productive than the traditional
one you and everyone else hold.
All of the beliefs you have about yourself, about women, and about how to best pursue them governs
your behavior; thus, your number one priority should be to address this mental foundation. All your
thoughts and actions will align in the right direction when your mindset is corrected. You will no longer
feel the same need for detailed instructions, although Parts II, III, and IV will offer more and more
specifics, but those details will not make much sense if you do not understand the basis of thought that is
Knowing how to think instead of just knowing what to do will also be immensely more useful in the
real world with all the uncertainties and different scenarios you will face. Knowing how to think will
allow you to be more flexible and to solve your own problems.
When we experience attraction to someone, our brain is letting us know that we have found a suitable
sexual partner, someone who resembles all previous partners through the thousands of generations that
came before us, an individual who is valuable for our genes, who has traits that will help us survive and
reproduce more successfully than we could on our own.
Attraction is one of the primal emotions that have helped humanity survive and reproduce, and it is
triggered in our bodies in much the same way as other primal emotions, such as hunger, fatigue, and fear.
We feel each primal emotion in specific circumstances and we are powerless to convince ourselves not to
feel the emotion. These emotions are instincts that have evolved in our species along with our brains over
a long period of time (around two million years), growing stronger in every generation because those who
felt them for the right reasons and responded to them were more likely to survive. Those who feared
danger were obviously more likely to stay alive than those who did not, and those who were attracted to a
person who could help them survive and reproduce were obviously more likely to pass on their genes.
Life has been much less forgiving for the vast majority of the time our species has been evolving than
it is now, and in the distant past people simply died if they were unfit. Over time, no one other than those
with all survival instincts passed their genes on.
However, during the last several thousand years, since the dawn of civilization, nature has ceased to
eliminate the most unattractive males and females as our conditions have improved. Today, everyone
survives no matter how unfit, and most people live long enough to reproduce through some means to pass
their genes on — two things they would not have been able to do in the past in a more natural environment
without social security and health care. This was the harsh reality for more than 99.99% of humanity’s
time on this planet. Yet, the fact that life is more forgiving these days has no effect on our instincts,
including attraction, because our bodies did not evolve in these modern conditions, and these conditions
have only been around for a tiny minority of the time our species has existed. Evolution is a very slow
process. Even thousands of years are nothing for a species that has been evolving for millions.
That attraction remains a basic instinct has two vital consequences. First, males and females have
become attracted to different, complementary qualities in each other. What females find sexy in males
differs from what males find sexy in females. Second, none of us consciously decides what traits attract us
sexually or who we are attracted to. Attraction is an emotion, not a conscious decision. These two simple
facts are fundamental in understanding seduction, but they still elude many people in this world, in
particular the unattractive and unsuccessful males and females who form the majority of the population.
They are the ones you hear accuse males of being shallow for caring about females’ external looks and the
ones who claim that females are more sophisticated because they look for inner qualities in males. They
make these statements as if males and females are the same and could become attracted to the same
qualities if only we would decide to do so.
It is true that the sexes have a lot in common, with perhaps even more similarities than differences
overall, but the similarities are neither interesting nor useful to consider when it comes to seduction. The
differences, however, are crucial. Failure to understand the differences might cause you to treat women as
men or to adopt feminine traits yourself, and that is a recipe for disaster. Hence, the differences must be
clear to you. How exactly do males and females differ?
There are two major forces that shape males and females differently: nature and nurture. Nature is the
obvious biological difference between the sexes, and nurture is the more elusive difference in
socialization that starts to affect us from the moment we leave the womb.
The traits that attract us are part of our nature, and the nonconscious reasons we feel attraction are
natural. They cannot be changed through socialization, although social forces can lead both males and
females to believe and claim they want qualities in their partner that in fact do not turn them on. This is
what is going on when you hear females claim to want “nice guys” but see them dating “bad boys,” and
males denying attraction to teenage girls but enjoying pornography with them.
All the social differences are essential to understand, and seduction itself is a social activity, but you
also have to understand the basics, and that is the biological differences between males and females.
Later, you will learn that all social differences stem from these biological differences.
The most fundamental and indisputable biological difference is the fact that females can become
pregnant and give birth to children during a lengthy and risky process, while males can impregnate
females through insemination quite quickly and without much risk. The male and female physiques, our
bodies, differ in this regard. Females have the body parts necessary to carry and feed children, while
males have the body parts needed to impregnate females. Females maintain more body fat than males do,
as it costs less but stores more energy than muscle mass does. This energy comes in handy when females
need it to grow other human beings inside them and then feed those babies once they are born. As males
are incapable of performing such feats, they maintain more muscle mass and grow a bit taller, thus making
them physically stronger.
As you know, males are attracted to beautiful females, but what you may not know is that what males call
“beautiful” represents the physical traits that show suitability for motherhood. The females who have
historically been the most suitable mothers were (1) healthy, (2) old enough to be sexually mature, (3) yet
still young so they lived long enough to give birth and raise their offspring. This is why physical signs of
health, sexual maturity, and youth are all parts of the concept of beauty, and all females who are beautiful
possess those traits. Everything that is universally considered beautiful and most likely everything that
turns you on are signs of these things, such as smooth skin, a symmetrical face, relatively big eyes, round
perky breasts, lack of body hair below the head, a skinny frame with a narrow waist, or relatively wide
hips if you wish, being both better for childbirth and a sign that a woman has not already been
impregnated by another male.
As a result, the words beautiful and attractive can only be used as synonyms when discussing
females. They are not universal synonyms, however, and cannot be accurately used interchangeably when
discussing the attractiveness of males. Nevertheless, these words are often used as if they were the same
when males talk about what females are attracted to because males tend to be unaware that females are
different from themselves, or they know they are different but are not sure how.
Since beauty is the most important factor for males when they automatically determine how attractive
a female is to them, most males hold the false belief that females also regard looks as equally significant
when they automatically determine if a male is attractive. This is simply not the case, and that is why
some of the most beautiful females in the world, such as famous models and actresses, are with males
who are far from beautiful. Males can be beautiful without being attractive to females, and they can be
attractive without being beautiful. This does not mean that females do not enjoy looking at beautiful males;
they do, but as far as dating goes, looks can only get a male so far, while looks can get a female all the
For males, being beautiful is of little importance because babies do not grow inside their bodies.
They cannot give birth or produce the milk that infants need; only females can. Thus, the state of females’
bodies is vital and of great interest to all males, much more so than females’ personal and intellectual
abilities and capabilities. Males who did not care about finding females with bodies suitable for bearing
and feeding children would not have produced offspring who survived, so their genes disappeared from
the gene pool.
A female, on the other hand, no longer needs a male’s body once she is inseminated by his seed.
Females do, however, benefit from the male’s behavior when they are pregnant, from the male’s support
and protection, including his devotion to stay by her side during the pregnancy, the labor, and, ideally,
until the child is old enough to take care of itself. Since childbirth could potentially kill a female and
raising young children in the wild is a full-time job, her offspring would have great difficulty surviving
without additional support. The females who did not care about finding males who could and would
protect and support them would not have given birth to children who survived, so their genes would also
have disappeared from the gene pool.
These different realities for the sexes have caused males to be attracted to traits in females that females
do not care about in males and, conversely, females to be attracted to traits in males that males care little
about in females. To regard females as “sex objects” is both natural and desirable for males, if the term
simply refers to disregarding the personal and intellectual abilities and capabilities of females while
placing emphasis on their looks. Females are not more sophisticated and respectable for disregarding
males’ bodies and instead placing emphasis on their personality and behavior; they are simply hardwired
to do so as it serves their sex better. But if males did, it would have led to mankind’s demise long ago.
However, to stand up and defend this statement is not politically correct these days. The way
attraction works as well as the way in which it differs between males and females is far from public
awareness, and the majority of the public consists of unattractive people who would rather not hear that
they are unfit for survival or at the mercy of genes. Some countries have even started “campaigns for inner
beauty” to heighten awareness that looks are not everything. These campaigns were intended to “help”
females become less interested in their own bodies and to convince males to focus on qualities other than
physical appearance, but these campaigns were never led by attractive females or by males who are
successful with women. Such campaigns are the result of ignorance, jealousy, and politics and are
detached from reality. They represent one form of social conditioning that reduces males’ chances of
getting gorgeous girls if they are foolish enough to be affected by it, just as it reduces females’ chances of
attracting men if they start to neglect their appearance. More on that later.
It makes no difference that some of us, a lucky handful of the world’s enormous population, now live
in a modern high-tech world and that there are better and more scientific ways to see if a female would be
a good mother than just checking out her tits and ass. Our brains have evolved during millions of years
without such technology. These are instincts deep within us. Males instantly feel attraction and think, “she
looks good,” even if they are not consciously aware that they mean “good” as in “good to have babies
with.” That is why a physically unattractive female will not become sexy all of a sudden if she shows you
a perfect health report from her doctor stating that she actually would be a suitable mother for your
children, and this is why males of all ages remain attracted to sexually mature teenage girls, regardless of
the age of sexual consent in their region.
Older males may try to convince themselves and others through logic that they are not attracted to
teenage girls, but conscious reasoning is not involved in the attraction process. Any male who says
something to this effect is only trying to be politically correct or to save face because he is embarrassed
by his natural desires.
The physical traits that males care greatly about in females have never been, and never will be, significant
for females to find among males, because babies do not grow inside males’ bodies for nine months and
their bodies are unable to produce the milk that is vital for infants’ survival. Hence, beauty, including the
beauty of youth, is of no significance, which is why females often say they want older men and why the
female is a few years younger than the male in the average couple. While males become attracted to young
women as soon as their bodies are sexually mature and it is clear that they are fertile, females are not very
interested in teenage boys until they start showing signs of maturity in their personality and behavior.
However, a young male can seduce women who are older than he is as long as he ceases the immature and
unattractive behavior that males tend to maintain much longer than they should, because females are far
more interested in a male’s behavior than in his body.
Females are attracted to qualities that complement theirs, as their sex’s advantage comes at a cost.
Their innate ability to bear and feed children makes them physically more vulnerable than males, as their
bodies are smaller and weaker. This puts females at a physical disadvantage compared to males regarding
tasks that require strength, like physical labor and combat. However, the ability to bear children also puts
them at physical risk during both pregnancy and childbirth. As long as humankind has existed on this
planet, becoming pregnant has been extremely dangerous, one of the most dangerous situations in which a
female could find herself. Pregnancy means several months of heightened cautiousness for the sake of the
baby’s health. Engaging in a physical fight during that time or having to flee from a wild animal, even just
once, could be devastating both to her and to her offspring, and thus protection is the number-one priority
during pregnancy from an evolutionary perspective. Therefore, females have become attracted to males
who appear less vulnerable than they are, males who seem able to protect and support them better than
females could on their own — males who are masculine.
Most people seem to believe that what constitutes feminine and masculine behavior is dynamic and may
change over time as the behavior of the majority of a sex changes. Some scholars even list examples from
history of such changes, but they mistake expressions of femininity for femininity itself and expressions of
masculinity for masculinity itself. The majority of males do not have to adopt a trait for it to become a
masculine trait. In fact, many males, perhaps even the majority these days, are more timid than brave, but
being timid will never be considered masculine because the majority does not set the standards. Biology
does, and to be timid is more a sign of vulnerability than bravery; hence, it is more suitable for females, at
least in our natural environment where they were more likely to survive and reproduce if they avoided
All the qualities that males are attracted to in females are what we call feminine and all the qualities
that females are attracted to in males are what we call masculine. Thus, both femininity and masculinity
refer to the appearance of the biological differences that exist between our two sexes; females can bear
and feed children but at the cost of being physically more vulnerable. The terms refer to the biological
characteristic of a male and a female and not just traits that have traditionally been seen as appropriate for
males and females for random reasons.
This is how I define these words, and just as you have to understand what I mean when I mention
femininity and masculinity, you have to understand what I mean when I talk about females, males, women,
Males are attracted to feminine females. The more feminine a female is, the more of a woman she is
and the more attractive she will be to males. Similarly, females are attracted to masculine males, and the
more masculine a male is, the more of a man he is and the more attractive he will be to females.
Therefore, I use the term women to mean “feminine females” and the term men to mean “masculine
Please note that this semantic differentiation between “females” and “women” means that, whenever
I refer to women, I am talking about females who are attractive to most males, the top 10% or so of
females that males are really interested in. Thus, a statement such as “the majority of women want” is
very different from a statement such as “the majority of females want.” I do not care about what the
majority of females want, and neither should you as the majority of females are unattractive. On the other
hand, all women are attractive by this definition, and this book is about “what women want.”
Femininity is about being a sexually suitable female. Such an individual is two things: (1) she is born
female and (2) she has a beautiful body. Both qualities are easily captured in a photo. Meanwhile,
masculinity is about being a sexually suitable male. Such an individual is two things: (1) he is born male
and (2) he is less vulnerable than females. But only one of those qualities is easily captured in a photo.
Considering that a picture is worth a thousand words, this suggests that masculinity is much harder to
describe and demonstrate than femininity is — which has ultimately led to great confusion.
What a female wants in a male has little to do with his body and more to do with his behavior.
Although all behavior manifests itself in appearance, the qualities females seek in males are much harder
to capture with a photographic lens than the traits that males seek in females. A photo can easily show
whether a person is male or female, and this manmade technology is very good at capturing femininity, or
showing how much of a woman a female is. An observer can easily tell that a female is more feminine
than another by comparing the curves of her body, for instance, but one cannot as easily determine if a
male is more masculine.
Many males know the visual traits they want in a female pretty well, like highly tangible and obvious
physical features such as round boobs, a certain waist-to-hip ratio, and a youthful looking face. They are
even used to judging a female from afar and then checking her physical qualities against their mental list
to see how good of a match she is, sometimes even rating her on a scale from zero to ten.
However, females cannot do the same as easily when they see males. Most males erroneously
assume that females have the same list of visual qualities they do, despite seeing many couples that
contradict it, including obviously ugly or fat males with gorgeous and fit females. Take the cover of
male’s and female’s magazines. On the cover of your typical “men’s” magazine is usually a beautiful
female, and on the cover of your typical “woman’s” magazine is a beautiful female as well, not a beautiful
male, not any kind of male.
The evidence is right there if you only look for it, but as most males are unaware that females are
attracted to other qualities, and since people tend to see what they want to see, their approach causes them
to overlook reality.
Most of the traits that females are in fact attracted to exist more internally than externally, and they
are arcane and hard to explain, such as attitude, behavior, and how comfortable a male can make a female
feel, in contrast to body proportions, height, and penis size (to name only a few things that males are
always worried about and that researchers in this field tend to focus on as well).
That females are not primarily attracted to physical qualities in males also means they cannot assign
males to the same kinds of categories that males assign to females (e.g., height) and then draw any useful
conclusions from the category. Yet, many females still insist on doing this, at least when males ask them
to, and that is why they sometimes end up surprised, confused, and intrigued when they are drawn to a
man who does not fit their predetermined visual category.
While many females are not particularly feminine, and many males are not particularly masculine, those
that lack femininity or masculinity are not neutral. They are simply at the opposite side of the spectrum.
This means that the least feminine females are actually masculine, and the least masculine males are
actually feminine. They are the least attractive individuals to the opposite sex. While we cannot control
our sex (we are born either male or female), we can control how masculine and how feminine we appear,
and if we want to be successful with the opposite sex, we definitely should maximize our attractiveness
by controlling our appearance, as we are always somewhere on the spectrum.
How masculine you appear and thus how attractive females think you are depends on how you
present yourself, whether you diminish or exaggerate the fact that you were born as a male with everything
To “be” a man includes the need to avoid acting like women in general. Thus, a good start in
understanding how to be masculine is learning and becoming aware of how women behave, what typical
feminine behavior is, and how to avoid it or even to do the complete opposite. To be a man is often more
about avoiding how women walk and talk rather than actually doing traditionally manly things. You do not
need to binge on beer, hunt animals, or watch sports to act like a man. I personally do not care for any of
those things, as I would much rather spend my time drinking with, chasing after, and looking at women.
However, to successfully avoid typical feminine behavior, you have to understand what that is; the
underlying basis of femininity is the biological difference we have already discussed. As females are
physically more vulnerable than males, typical feminine behavior includes expressions of this
vulnerability, primarily to be emotional — to show emotions of weakness or to allow yourself to be led
by such emotions.
Women express their greater vulnerability in a multitude of ways. They weep more easily, scream
when surprised, avoid all kinds of risks, exaggerate every hint of pain, make more noise when making an
effort, avoid physical labor altogether, depend more on others to help and support them, try to avoid
conflicts, build more consensus in social settings by talking more without voicing disagreements, are
more interested in collaboration than competition, attack their enemies behind their backs in more
psychological than physical ways, prefer more comfortable indoor jobs than hazardous outdoor
occupations, keep their knees and elbows closer to their bodies as to cover themselves more, etc.
You have probably noticed manifestations of all this behavior in women already, but maybe failed to
realize that they are all actually expressions of vulnerability, and when seen in that light, that type of
behavior usually makes a lot more sense. Many males have noticed that women are emotional, but have
drawn the erroneous conclusion that they are irrational too, which is untrue. Women are not men, so it
would not be rational for them to act like men, and since females are more vulnerable than males, it makes
sense for them to be raised differently, too. That is why females’ socialization teaches them how to
exaggerate their biological difference from males and to express it freely, although both the teaching and
the expressing are mostly done nonconsciously (without awareness).
Men learn early on to deal with or ignore emotions that are considered vulnerable and weak, rather than
expressing and airing them the way females are allowed to do. Boys are taught to appear stronger and to
“act like a man,” while girls are allowed to express emotions of weakness such as fear and insecurity. All
men feel these emotions as well, to the same extent as women, but they repress or ignore them.
For example, by being told “boys don’t cry” and “crying like a girl” while growing up, men learn
what is considered appropriate behavior for men and for women, and those things that are okay for
women are almost always considered unacceptable for men. That is why boys are told that they are crying
“like a girl,” with the implication that crying is not suitable for a boy, instead of being told directly to stop
crying. Through similar differences in treatment, women are taught that it is okay to listen to their
vulnerable feelings and that it is okay to avoid doing something if they do not feel like it. Boys who fall
off their bikes when they are young are told to get right back up instead of crying, while girls are excused,
pampered, and allowed to take a break for the day until they feel like trying again.
Although many of the expressions of masculinity and femininity are the result of social constructs, as
boys and girls are traditionally raised differently with different behaviors encouraged and expected of
each, this has no effect on what masculinity or femininity really is. The idea that females are more
vulnerable than males is not a social construct but a biological fact.
As a result of this, any male who appears vulnerable will thus be unattractive to females — as he
will be feminine. Hence, men are not emotional, and women are not attracted to males who either show
weak emotion or allow themselves to be led by such emotions. If a male’s behavior is too feminine too
often, women will feel repulsed no matter how much they believe they want a male to be “in touch with
his feminine side,” a trait they sometimes claim to want, but actually do not.
When women state that they want a male who is unafraid to let his emotions out, they mean that they
want to hear how a male really feels about them, how much he cares about them, how good they make him
feel, how much he really loves them, and so on, because he has done a poor job of expressing this lately
or ever. The women want him to be more charming, not more feminine.
It is perfectly alright and even desirable for a male to show his emotions — to be expressive and
passionate instead of being expressionless and cold, as long as he is not showing weak emotions or
allowing himself to be led by them.
The males who are most unattractive to females are already too feminine. They act or talk too much
like women, and they usually do this because they are thinking the same way women are. They have no
confidence in taking the risks that are necessary both to be masculine and to seduce women. While being
emotional and indirect are expressions of femininity, being confident and direct are expressions of
masculinity. Just as you cannot be both direct and indirect at the same time, you cannot be confident and
emotional at the same time. These two behaviors also occupy opposite ends of the same spectrum: You
will not appear very sure of yourself, which “being confident” means, if you make a decision only to
change your mind because you do not feel like it anymore or if you have to take initiatives but cannot
because you feel afraid.
Ideally, this chapter would have ended here and we could continue to discuss confidence right away,
but unfortunately, ideas start to get complicated at this stage. From a society’s point of view, it is not
desirable to keep sex simple, to raise males to be confident with women for no reason or to raise females
to carelessly have sex with all males they want, because the success of society requires not only
individuals to have sex and bear children, but also to ensure that their offspring are cared for until they
can reproduce on their own.
While becoming pregnant for a female has been and still is one of the most dangerous situations she
could both voluntary and involuntary get herself into, the most successful societies throughout time have
required as many females as possible to be as sexually cautious as possible.
For this reason we have the unnatural tradition of marriage that is found in all cultures today, as well
as the implementation of alimony in the form of financial support for females after divorce was made
legal and marriage no longer protected them. All societies that have survived had social structures that
reinforced and exaggerated the biological differences between males and females and treated females as
more vulnerable, but also as more valuable, than males — even to the extent of protecting females’ lives
with the sacrifice of males’ lives.
Feminists call these societies patriarchies and believe that males and females are treated and valued
unequally under such systems, which is correct. However, they believe that females are being oppressed
and valued less in these societies, while the opposite is actually true. Females are not oppressed by males
in patriarchal societies; they are being protected by them, and they are not valued less than males, they are
valued more. If not, it would not make any sense to protect them. If males were seen as more important
than females, females would sacrifice themselves for males, not the other way around.
From nature’s perspective, males and females are equals. But from society’s perspective, females
are more valuable than males, and the majority of males have always been of less worth in successful
societies, sometimes even completely disposable. This does not necessarily mean that females have been
treated better, however, and it does not mean that the tiny minority at the top of the social pyramid have
been females, or that the few male leaders at the top also were disposable. But at the end of the day, when
human survival was at stake, females have been rescued first from sinking ships, while males were
expected to accept sure death; females never had the obligation of going to war to defend their societies,
while males always have; and neither is a female expected to rescue a male in distress, while a male is
always expected to risk his life to protect a female. This is why both nations and boats are referred to as
females by the way, as males have always felt more at ease with the thought of dying for a female rather
than an abstract idea, like a nation, or for a replaceable object, like a boat.
The societies that have prospered until today were inevitably the ones that aligned their social
structures with this unequal valuation of males and females, because it is more important that females
survive than males do for the sake of a society that wants to survive and expand. One male and a hundred
females can in theory re-populate a region a hundred times as fast as a hundred males and one female ever
could, and in practice much faster than that since one female cannot bear a hundred children in her
lifetime. As far as society is concerned, males are the disposable sex, almost worthless, while females
are far more valuable. This is the basis for every social difference between males and females you can
think of, not only for high-level formalities like females not being obligated to defend their nation in
wartime, but including low-level informalities like boys being expected to pay for a girl’s ice cream on
their date. These differences only make sense if females are to be treated as more vulnerable but also as
more valuable than males.
However, it is not necessary to be explicitly told this; simply being born into a society where these
formal and informal structures are already in place is enough for us to learn it, consciously or not. The
process by which a society teaches its citizens these beliefs is called social conditioning, or socialization,
and I will reference its influence on almost every single page because it has more influence over our
behavior than you can imagine and it greatly interferes with the natural seduction process.
Social conditioning is the process through which individuals inherit the grand beliefs and behavior of
their society; in other words, it is the way they learn to believe what everyone else around them believes
and to act accordingly. It is about the influence that causes people to nonconsciously conform to the
prevailing attitudes, standards, and practices of society.
Most of us are aware that we are influenced by people such as our parents during our formative
years and even that we are influenced by our peers throughout our lives, but few are aware of the extent of
this influence, what it actually is that we are led to believe without question, or how great the
implications can be of some of the behavior we adopt. Plus, we rarely realize that there might be other
ways to look at things when ideas are instilled in us from a very early age. Not many question these ideas
because it is not obvious that there is anything to question in the first place.
One cannot escape social conditioning, because it is an inevitable process and phenomenon that will
always exist; it is impossible and even detrimental to avoid. In general, socialization is a good thing, but
chances are that it is severely hindering a male’s progress when it comes to getting the girls he wants.
Being aware of these nonconscious beliefs and how they affect your behavior is vital because, without
awareness, you will not understand why you think or act as you do.
It is because of socialization that people make sure they look carefully before crossing a street and
they face a certain direction in an elevator. We are all raised to follow certain procedures, most of which
are helpful. But socialization also causes people to adopt behavior that interferes with the natural
seduction process, such as to feel embarrassed over their sexual desires and to avoid being selfish. In
these cases, our conditioning gets in the way of getting girls, because you have to both reveal your sexual
interest and go for what you want to seduce women.
Social conditioning is the source of several beliefs that keep you in line with everyone else, so
although you may have all the freedom and free will in the world, you will still not stray too far from the
pack. Beliefs deep inside us are the source of much of our behavior. Everything that we do is constantly
subjected to our beliefs, including what we believe we are capable of, how we believe something should
be done, and how we think others will react as a consequence of our actions.
Changing your mindset by adopting new beliefs can thus have a dramatic effect on your behavior and
therefore the quality of your life. For example, if an overweight person stops looking at food as a source
of pleasure and entertainment and instead sees it only as a source of nutrition, energy, and building blocks
for the body, he or she can easily return to a normal weight over time, as such beliefs would alter his or
her behavior. That way of thinking is often the only difference between overweight people and those who
have always been slim, and similar difference of beliefs is the only difference between many males who
are successful with women and those who are not.
Changing one’s mindset is also a much more effective approach than only trying to adopt specific
techniques such as diets or tricks. And just like being overweight, if you are not having the success you
want with women, it is your own fault. This is good news, as this means you can do something about it. If
someone else were to blame, it would be near impossible to do much about it.
We learn which behaviors are acceptable in our culture today through social conditioning. As an adult,
you automatically know what is okay and what is not, but you probably do not remember how you learned
it as a child. If someone were to ask you to take off your pants in public just to make a point, you would
simply refuse because you know that it is unacceptable to do so even though there is no law against it. If
someone unexpectedly pulled your pants down you would most likely feel embarrassed without being
able to explain where those feelings all of a sudden came from. Yet, in some parts of the world, tribes are
still walking around naked, and that is still how we all come into the world when we are born. This
proves that even some of our personal feelings, such as shame, are actually learned responses; they are
not natural. But if you learned it a very long time ago, you will have a hard time telling the difference.
Most of our socialization is good and helps speed up our learning process of how the world works.
Since humans are social creatures, we have the ability to learn from others, which saves us a lot of time
and trouble as opposed to relying on trial and error and firsthand experience. However, there is a flip
side of the coin; not everything we learn through socialization is accurate or helpful. Some of the beliefs
and behavior we inherit are actually bad, and when it comes to dating, most beliefs are actually
inaccurate and most behaviors are actually counterproductive.
The interesting thing then is how social conditioning applies to all aspects of dating. What are the
grand beliefs that we inherit regarding women and how to attract them? By studying our language, the
words and phrases that we use, our stories, how movies are structured, how products are marketed,
people’s attitudes, and the way in which everyday discussions go, it becomes obvious how males are
supposed to get girls: Females must be earned.
A common plot in stories told through literature and film is a situation involving a damsel in distress.
While this scene may no longer be as obvious as it once was, with an utterly helpless princess trapped in
an ivory tower waiting for a hero to come and rescue her, the same formula lives on today. The modern
hero might no longer be a knight in shining armor or a prince, but instead an average male with
extraordinary abilities or a superhero with superpowers who lives through an ordeal and gets the sexy
girl in the end.
Think about what happened to the main male character in the last few movies you have seen. What
did he get in the end after saving the entire world from evil aliens, monkeys, asteroids, zombies, pirates,
clones, orchs, robots, monsters, terrorists, or Nazis? What did he get after winning the race, tournament,
league, war, or fight against all odds?
He got the beautiful girl, the one he met at the beginning of the movie who was not particularly
interested in him. In the end, he got her as though she were some sort of reward for his extraordinary
achievement, once he proved that he deserved her.
Everywhere you look, male’s achievements are being associated with getting girls, an idea males
learn in much the same way Pavlov’s dogs were conditioned to link the sound of a bell to the serving of
food. That is the environment most of us have grown up in: an environment filled with the message that a
male is not good enough for a female until he has proved his worth. Achieve something great, and then you
can have the woman you want. To succeed is to become sexy and good enough for a woman. Success
Simply growing up immersed in an environment that is based on this idea — reading books, listening
to stories, watching movies, seeing ads, and overhearing conversations based on it — is more than enough
to communicate the idea and instill in you the very same belief, that without doing something incredible,
you do not deserve women and that you do have to deserve them.
All of us are very receptive to adopting beliefs when we are young, but the idea that success leads to
sex is not something that is only hammered into kids as they grow up; this is an ongoing process, and most
are unaware of it. Our culture is full of expressions that are based on these beliefs and used without any
thought of their implications, such as, “getting lucky,” “that girl is out of your league,” “you do not deserve
her,” “win her heart,” and “losers do not get laid.”
If you think about the phrase “getting lucky,” referring to when a male gets a female into bed, you can
see that the phrase carries several embedded messages: The male should feel lucky (1) as if the female
did him a favor by giving him the sex that only he wants, but she did not enjoy as much, (2) as if he really
was unworthy of her, and (3) that his own actions had nothing to do with getting laid. It was just luck! That
is a lot of meaning embedded into two words.
Other expressions are also heavy with the same meaning. To refer to a woman as being “out of your
league” implies that she is unreachable and not even worth pursuing because she is too good for you. In
line with this theme of competition comes the expression, “losers do not get laid.” This implies that
winners do get laid and that it is impossible to get girls if you fail in sports, school, or your career. To
“win her heart” also implies that a male must compete for females in some way, and an expression such as
“you do not deserve her” leaves no question as to its meaning.
Every time these expressions are used, social conditioning is being passed on and reinforced,
usually without any thought or awareness. Through this process, males learn not only to pursue females
like trophies, but also that they are less valuable than women since they have to work to pursue women
and prove themselves to them. Even if they do not believe it, they will still act like it if they adopt such
However, if males are led to believe that they must earn females, then females cannot simply spread their
legs for every male that comes along and shows interest in them. Females have to play their part as well.
They must not be promiscuous to be something to be earned, and this is why females’ sexuality has been
controlled throughout history and why it still is — in all cultures.
This should come as no surprise, but a quick look at how females have been treated throughout
history, how they are treated today, how they are spoken to, what labels they get, how laws affect them,
and how modern discussions go makes this very apparent.
For instance, sexual promiscuity in females has always been considered a sin, and most religions
preach stories about “virtuous” females who are all virgins to emphasize the importance of avoiding sex.
However, such ideas still live on even outside religion, and today we have plenty of everyday
expressions that are based on these ideas. It is common to refer to a female who has not yet had sex as a
“good girl” or “innocent.” Otherwise she is “bad” or “naughty,” implying that she has done something
wrong and is guilty of something, even if she has not committed any crime. Even today, females are
typically raised to be “good girls,” which pretty much means that they stay at home instead of going out
late at night and avoid getting pregnant before marriage. But the institution of marriage was invented long
ago as yet another way to control females’ sexuality, and it is even called wedlock to keep females from
In addition, females are not allowed, either formally or informally, to show as much skin as males
are. This is obvious in the Muslim world. Muslim females cover their bodies, sometimes entirely, and
similar attempts to control females’ sexuality persist in the modern civilizations of the Western world too;
it is just not as obvious. The same people who think that the way Muslim females cover their bodies is
both outrageous and unacceptable usually get upset when their own teenage daughters want to leave the
house in a tiny skirt. These people also often live in countries that have made it illegal for females to
expose their naked chest in public. There are no such laws for males, and the movies that contain topless
females are rated with stricter age restrictions than those that display shirtless males.
Another modern example of this idea is the sentiment that all forms of pornography (made for males)
are degrading to females and that women in porn only do it for the money, a view shared by most
feminists. The fact that half the actors in your average porno production are males and that they too are
paid to be there goes unmentioned. This does not need to be mentioned, because everyone knows that
males enjoy sex. Those guys therefore have the best jobs in the world, unlike the females, who are only
doing it for the money, right?
No. In reality, females in the adult entertainment industry make several times more money than their
male colleagues, not because they do not enjoy sex or they really feel degraded on film, but because they
need to be compensated for all that they have to put up with when they are not naked in front of the
camera, that is, the social pressure from the rest of society, particularly from feminists, that comes as a
result of their defying their socialization. Only females receive this kind of opposition when they refuse to
conform to rules concerning their sexuality that are unwritten but are supposed to be followed. This is
something that their male colleagues do not have to deal with, since males’ sexuality does not need to be
controlled to the same extent.
The truth is that pornography is only degrading to females if one believes they are not supposed to
enjoy sex as much as males do or that the value of females lies in their sexual exclusivity, as we are
traditionally led to believe. Hence, a female who does not conform deserves less respect, and if you
disagree with the notion that a female’s value lies in her sexual exclusivity, then you are disrespecting her
if you treat her otherwise. This is nonsense. At the end of the day, pornography is rarely degrading to
females but denying their sexuality always is, and denying their sexuality has done more harm to
womankind than pornography ever will. Therefore, one might think that today’s feminists, who are
supposed to fight for “women’s” rightful treatment, would actually celebrate those who defy the
socialization that attempts to condemn their sexuality, particularly in the only industry in the world where
females earn a lot more money than males do for performing the same job. Instead, no other group on earth
is as anti-porn as feminists.
By the way, it is interesting to note that what we call pornography in everyday speech is material that
excites males primarily. “Pornography” is mainly visual depictions or suggestions of sexually attractive
females, such as photographs of young, naked girls. The equivalent material for females is not the simple
opposite. Females are less visually stimulated, hence the material that excites them comes closer to
spoken or written descriptions of confident and charming grown males, which is why romance novels for
females are full of detailed descriptions of such men. These romance novels make multibillion-dollar
revenues each year but are not considered to be part of the adult entertainment industry. Most males do not
realize that these novels are pornography too, as they are clueless to what attracts females and these
novels do not bother the general public as much, since text does not ruin the politically correct idea of
females as much as images do.
There are numerous more examples of the way socialization has instilled in us false beliefs, but the
short of my point is that these two grand beliefs, that males have to earn females and that females’
sexuality must be controlled, alter the general behavior of both males and females on a very large scale. It
literally makes the world go round.
While all heterosexual males desire nothing higher than women as long as their basic needs are met, the
way they are led to believe they are of less worth than females and that they have to earn them causes
them to shift their natural priorities. Success, achievements, and money come first, while enjoying women
ends up further down the list. And it stays there until many males have wasted their youth and stamina, or
even died, long before making it a high priority. It becomes normal for males to spend years in school and
at work chasing a long-term goal without ever saying a sensible word to an attractive female.
It is ridiculous how motivated most males can be, following the belief that women will like them in
the end. The guys in the gym talk about all the women they are going to go after once they have molded
their biceps and lost that gut. After graduating high school, they join the military because they hear women
like men in uniforms, or they enroll medical school and study for years to become doctors because they
hear women are attracted to doctors. Even suicide bombers blow themselves up believing it will land
them in paradise with 72 virgins as a reward for their actions. And endless numbers of males chase the
dream of becoming rock stars because they dream of one day making it big and then finally “getting laid
like rock stars.” They do all this and much more because they are motivated by the promise of all the
women they will obtain as part of their success.
Females’ behavior is altered by these grand beliefs too, just differently. Society’s views of very sexually
active and experienced males and the same type of females are quite different. If you are a promiscuous
female, you are called “slut,” looked down upon, and in some cultures stoned to death. If you are a
promiscuous male, however, you are called “stud,” looked up to, and admired for life — by both females
and males, the young and old, the educated and uneducated. These different reactions create different
kinds of social pressure for males and females that stimulates different behaviors.
The reality is that all females enjoy doing so-called slutty things, but no female wants to be
perceived as a slut. One thing that females consider important is to be perceived as extremely cautious
about whom they choose to have sex with. They are very concerned about their sexual reputation because
of the way that society responds to it. Throughout time, the worst insult a female could receive has always
been “whore,” and it remains so today. If you want to insult a male in a similar way, you have to do so by
accusing his mother of being promiscuous (calling him a “bastard” or “son of a bitch,” for example), as
being accused of being promiscuous has no effect on him directly since it is not associated with anything
bad for males. To the contrary, such a comment would be a compliment.
Today females are still worried about being seen as “easy,” as in easy to get into bed with, since
society still looks down upon such females. In an attempt to hide their true nature and natural urges, they
have come up with the strategy of “playing hard to get,” which is more amusing than brilliant since it
implies that females really are easy, though they are just pretending not to be. This is exactly the case.
Women are very easy to get into bed as long as you understand what they want and how to give it to them.
All women will, for instance, have sex on the first date, but few will admit it. Some do not even know
they would as they have never met a man who knew how to seduce them that quickly and, sadly, most
never will. However, the only reason that sex on the first date is even an issue for females is because of
their socialization suggesting that it is inappropriate to engage in.
Some females manage to stay home, slowly getting more and more depressed and sexually frustrated,
while those who cannot resist their natural urges give in to all their temptations and then pretend as if they
never did. Most women fall somewhere in between these two extremes.
In reality, females absolutely love sex but, according to society, they are not supposed to enjoy it.
However, this social pressure has unexpected consequences: Their socialization is luckily not enough to
actually stop them from having a lot of sex with many men, since natural human desires cannot be
suppressed successfully forever, but it will make them try to avoid taking any responsibility for it so that
they appear to be “good” and “innocent” girls. Females are crazy horny, but they do not want everyone to
find that out and label them as sluts. The most disturbing side effect of this behavior is how common it is
for females to fantasize about being raped. Surveys have found that it is one of their most common sexual
fantasies. This is not because they want to be raped for real, only that to be taken by force, against their
will, is the ultimate form of sex without responsibility. Thus, it is a sexual fantasy that females may
indulge in without feeling guilty.
When women are unable to suppress their desires, however, and when their fantasies are not enough
to satisfy them, they will fuck around like rabbits but not admit it, and when the truth is exposed they will
try to downplay the extent of their adventures and their responsibility for them. You can see signs of this if
you pay attention to how they usually explain why they first slept with a man. They often describe it a little
like this: “It just happened …,” “We somehow ended up in his bedroom …,” “I had been drinking …,” “I
was very confused during that time …,” “He took me …,” and so on. It is quite common that females will
describe what happened by first stating that they really did not have much control of the situation or that
they had no responsibility for what happened, even though they wanted it to happen too and describe it
with great passion as soon as they get their disclaimer on the public record.
When you are alone with a woman in bed, you can usually fuck and talk to her like the horny slut she
really is, and she will truly enjoy it. However, she will usually become very upset if you bring anything of
that sort up in public, in front of other people, because image and reputation are everything. This is
something that you have to be aware of when attempting to seduce women.
From society’s point of view, there are different ideals for males and females, and the larger the
percentage of the population that strives toward these ideals, the more successful the society will be.
Hence, our socialization has evolved so as to encourage these ideals. The more successful a male is, the
more valuable he is to society, and the more sexually exclusive a female is, the more valuable she is to
society. Males are taught that their value comes from their achievements and their proven abilities to
provide for others, with the hero being the ideal male — a male who is even willing to sacrifice himself
for the greater good. This makes the loser the least ideal male. Females, on the other hand, are taught that
their value lies within their sexuality and their ability to give birth and raise children, with the virgin
labeled as the ideal female — a female who is willing to give up sexual pleasure for the greater good.
This makes the slut the least ideal female.
For this reason, all successful cultures are full of stories of idealized females and males which tell
about good things happening to female virgins and male heroes and bad things happening to female sluts
and male losers to make sure the points are portrayed clearly.
What is easy to forget, however, is that these are ideal males and females for society at large, but not
necessarily to each other, and since they are ideals, that means they are exaggerated extremes. If all
females actually were virgins and stayed that way, and all males became heroes and died in sacrifice,
humankind would have ceased to exist within one generation. So, this grand plan is in place for societies
to succeed, not individuals, and it is flawed when executed perfectly. The promotion of these ideas has
worked well, however, because most people merely strive toward them, which has been enough for
societies to prosper.
Although it is irrelevant in the end, one might ask out of curiosity why society has prospered with
these ideals. What is the point of controlling females’ sexuality?
The answer is probably because females have more at stake when they have sexual intercourse, as
they indeed are more vulnerable than males and risk becoming pregnant. The more careful a female is, the
better the chances that both she and her babies will survive. To have sex and potentially ending up
pregnant is a huge risk only to her, while a male risks pretty much nothing at all from having sex with a
female. Females only produce one egg per month, and once inseminated females will become much more
vulnerable for nine straight months, leading up to childbirth, which is an experience that could actually
kill them. Remember that medicine is a manmade science; painkillers, vaccines, birth clinics, and such
inventions are not readily found in nature and are nothing that we humans are born to depend on. These
advances have only been around for a few generations in the developed world, but even today you do not
have easy access to these advances everywhere.
Males, on the other hand, produce millions of sperm every day and are capable of inseminating a
new female if they please about 15 minutes after the previous one. There is no natural or biological risk
involved at all, with the exception of sexually transmitted diseases which affect females too and take a
long time to develop. Males are not the ones who will get pregnant. You know this, of course, unless you
have been brainwashed by the modern idea that “there are actually two people who get pregnant.”
Actually, only the female does, but it is in the best interests of society as a whole for all males to believe
otherwise, because beliefs govern behavior, and if you want people’s behavior to change, you have to
change their beliefs.
However, this approach does not make sense today. Control of females’ sexuality might have been a
good idea, perhaps even critical, in the past, but today contraception is readily available. Today it is so
easy to practice safe sex that it is much better, simpler, and healthier to preach and practice the use of
condoms instead of locking up females or trying to make them feel guilty for indulging their natural urges.
So what is the point of controlling males’ effort?
The answer is probably that males have little at stake when they have sexual intercourse, as they do
not risk becoming pregnant. Therefore, their lack of a strong natural desire to stay and care for only one
female, to support her and her children, is not optimal as far as society is concerned. However, nothing is
as desirable for a male as an attractive female is, and obtaining women is males’ greatest motivator. So
making males believe they are less valuable than females and that they must earn females not only
improves the chances of males supporting females and their children, but chasing females indirectly also
causes males to pull society along with them as they create inventions, discover resources, and start
corporations while chasing their achievements and competing with each other. These are byproducts that
have inarguably benefitted all of us and helped humankind evolve from cold and unlit caves into heated
and illuminated high-rises.
Imagine a few hundred years ago when Columbus made his voyage across the Atlantic Ocean toward
the unknown horizon, perhaps toward the very end of the earth. If he were to have had all the women he
wanted, would he have left his harem to embark on such a dangerous journey? Would he have been able to
gather all the necessary crew of male sailors to join his ship if all of them too had all the women they
I seriously doubt it.
No sane male would risk his life going on such journeys or spend his entire lifetime in a laboratory
to create technological advances. As far as work goes, males would most likely do a lot less, probably
just enough to get through the day, so they could enjoy the rest of it with a beauty in their arms or in their
beds. Technology would not have evolved at anywhere near the pace if all males were able to get the
women they desire. Yet technology has evolved, and our world is full of useful inventions, and the males
who created these inventions (few of them were female) are considered heroic, virtuous, and greatly
celebrated in public.
Women truly are the greatest motivation there is for males. A lot of good music and useful inventions
would never have come to fruition if males knew that they could just go straight after the women they
wanted without being successful in society first. This is why there will always be high-level incentives to
make females play hard to get and drive males to work hard for females.
However, this approach does not make sense today. Controlling males’ effort might have been a good
idea, perhaps even critical, in the past. But these days, our standards of living are high, most of us live in
societies that are peaceful and prosperous, and there are billions of males. Not every single male must
Perhaps long ago there were tribes in which males and females did not do much more than pursue
and enjoy each other. Unfortunately, they would eventually be wiped out by any rival tribe that was
willing to put that pleasure aside for a brief moment and spend some time developing weapons and
martial arts. I do not know if this is true, but I do know that all the societies that have survived until today
have well-organized military forces, and today males focus a lot of time and energy on things other than
the pursuit of women, even if they admit they want nothing else. I also know that you are not risking your
survival by pursuing women today, and neither does focusing on women for a while mean you have to
give up your career entirely or completely neglect your community. However, you ought to know at least
that there is an alternative to becoming a societal sheep, to be a man, and that alternative happens to be
what women want.
Obviously, I am not interested in destabilizing society, which is why I am not out on a political
campaign to change our socialization by altering our schools’ curriculums, the laws of our nations, or the
way we raise our children. However, I do want to discuss the topic of feminism briefly, as it has already
and is still trying to do all of that, but feel free to skip this section if you have no interest in politics.
The idea that females are more valuable than males in a society may come as a surprise to you if you live
in a country where feminist ideas have become popular, particularly the notion that females are unequal to
males, but have been and still are less valued, not more. The opposite is really the case, and males have
always been and still are the disposable sex as far as a society is concerned. However, the idea that
females require more protection, even to the extent of calling them victims, will always be politically
correct. But an idea that is popular is not necessarily accurate.
It appears that more males tend to be more feminine these days than in the past, and entire
generations of boys are being intentionally raised to be more like girls in some of the industrialized
nations due to the rise and political success of feminism. Many females complain that males were
somehow manlier a decade ago, without understanding that this is the obvious result of inviting feminist
ideas into our schools and institutions. The latest generations of males who are currently being raised
with these new ideas are even more emasculated and effeminate than ever and are already finding it more
difficult to get girls (as if their fathers did not have a hard enough time already), without seeing the
connection between diminished masculinity and reduced attractiveness to females.
Few people are aware of this, however, but even if the radical feminist leaders who set the political
agenda were aware, they would not care, considering such a large portion of them are lesbian and hence
not interested in males, regardless of whether the males are attractive.
The problem with today’s feminism has nothing to do with the original goals of the “women’s”
movement, such as equal economic opportunities, full political liberty, and fair treatment under the law.
These are objectives that most reasonable people would be crazy not to support, as they embody nothing
less than justice for all. However, the more progress that was made toward those admirable goals, the
more the agenda shifted from equality to hostility toward males. Today, feminists are more likely to be
found discussing their mutual contempt for males, and those with influence have tried making expressions
of masculinity itself politically incorrect behavior. They believe that the cause of all society’s problems is
masculine males and that the universal solution is to make males more feminine. Feminists have tried to
achieve equality by erasing the gender differences entirely, altering everything from everyday vocabulary
to common law, as if there were no biological differences between the sexes.
Such ideas have unfortunately been able to spread into many of our institutions, particularly our
schools, in parts of the Western world.
Ironically, however, the only reason such ideas have spread so successfully and feminists’ attacks on
men go on without much defense lies in the fundamental difference between the sexes, that females are
more vulnerable than males and thus any kind of response from a male would be seen as unjust. If males
were to put down females the same way that feminist females tend to put down males, the headlines
would scream misogyny and sexism. This difference in the level of tolerance or even acceptance of how
much worse females are allowed to talk about and treat males is rooted in the underlying biological fact
that one sex is more vulnerable than the other, while at the same time being more valuable and hence more
important to society. This makes it politically correct and socially acceptable for the more vulnerable, yet
more valuable, sex (females) to attack the less vulnerable sex (males) seemingly without limits, but not
the other way around.
Luckily, it is quite easy to avoid these tiresome debates, and men who are successful with women
are too busy enjoying their lives to write letters to editors or engage in political campaigns. They are
nowhere to be found in those areas because they have so many better things to do. This is the same reason
why you seldom see attractive females wasting their time in those debates, either.
While early feminists have succeeded in increasing females’ rights in society to equal those of
males, they have managed to do so without increasing females’ responsibility to match that of males,
although more responsibility usually goes hand in hand with more rights. Leaders and legislators have
allowed this to happen because taking responsibility always involves forms of risk, and since females are
more vulnerable than males, but also more valuable, risk-taking behavior is seen as masculine and
inappropriate for females. No one expects females to take huge risks, and no female will fight for
increased responsibility as risks are undesirable, unlike rights.
While all forms of responsibility do involve exposing yourself to risk, the severity of the risks can
vary greatly. Females always have and still do take more responsibility at home, for instance, but they do
so because that domain is safer and involves a lot less risk than responsibilities in the outside world. For
instance, responsibility for armed soldiers and the defense of nations, as males tend to take, involves
much greater risk than responsibility for young children, as females tend to take. But even in the home, if a
task involves risk taking, like a heavy object needing to be fetched from the attic or a satellite dish being
attached on the roof, the male is expected to take care of it.
Nonetheless, feminism is not actually about equality, and it never was. If it were, then feminists
would discuss equal responsibility as much as they do equal rights. They would talk about getting females
into the filthy and dangerous professions that are dominated by males and not only about the prestigious
and safe positions like company boards, and they would fight equally to send more females into war to
defend their country and earn their right to vote, not just demand more rights without more
responsibilities. Of course, then it would not be called a “women’s” movement, but a people’s movement.
The reason it is not, however, is because feminism is about nothing but reinforcing and spreading the
already prevailing idea that females are more vulnerable than males, although more valuable, and hence
require more protection in society — in the disguise of its own rhetoric. It is just a new form of the same
old traditional socialization, although feminists themselves seem completely oblivious to this fact.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
This is also why, despite the “women’s” movement making significant progress and increasing
females’ rights, without increasing their responsibilities, feminists still maintain that females are
oppressed by males and valued less by society. And I can tell you right now that no matter how much
“progress” is made, they will never be satisfied and politicians will always be ready to listen because as
long as it is in a society’s best interest to value females more, that interest will shape public policy.
No matter the evidence or real-world experience that suggests otherwise, no matter the statistics that
show that males live shorter lives than females, are more often victims of violence, commit suicide more
often, get longer prisons sentences for committing the same crime, are the only ones drafted for the
military, and are more frequently hurt and die more often at work because females are more valued than
males in society, and our socialization therefore teaches us to overprotect them without question. Plus
females’ concerns will always be taken with less scrutiny in the political sphere, especially in democratic
countries where females cast the majority of votes. Thus, the idea that females have more and tougher
struggles than males will always persist, even when there is evidence that contradicts it, which there is in
many areas, because people simply respond with more empathy to females in distress. For instance, this
is why the world is full of “women’s” shelters and more government grants that are earmarked to help
battered females despite the vast majority of victims of violence being males.
Also, if you were to see a female slapping a male in bar, for instance, it is quite likely you and
everyone else in the venue would instantly think “he probably deserved it” and not move a muscle. Some
might even be amused. But if the roles were reversed and it was the male who slapped the female, it is
quite likely you and everyone else would instantly think “what an asshole” and even get up and intervene,
call the police, or wish that someone would. And, of course, everyone would be appalled.
I could go on with countless more examples, but I give you merely these examples to show you that
our behavior comes from our beliefs, and since we are traditionally raised with different beliefs about
males and females, we behave differently. We only feel an urge to protect one sex but not the other. If this
were not true, females would be left to fend for themselves the same way males are.
Few people are aware of these beliefs, however, but our mindset (all our beliefs) governs our
manners (all our behavior), regardless of our awareness.
No man who is successful with women is a feminist, although most do support fair treatment of
females and often treat them more equally than ordinary males do. In particular, they support the sexual
liberation of women as it benefits them the most since it is such men who sleep with the women who don’t
worry about promiscuity. Such men benefit, but not the average male and especially not the few
emasculated males who actually call themselves feminists — something they do, ironically, only because
they feel inadequate for or intimidated by women and seek their approval. They fear to disagree and
believe that women in general want what only a few angry and outspoken females claim they want.
A man does not have to call himself a feminist to get girls, and he does not need to worry about the
issues that feminists make a big deal over either. For instance, one of those issues that feminists love to
get all worked up about is the objectification of women, which is nothing more than the natural attraction
instinct in all males. If males had not developed this instinct of being attracted to women based on their
bodies, these feminists would not be alive today to complain about it. But it is not “women” in the
everyday meaning of the word, as in “all females,” that males like to look at and objectify. It is women by
my definition, as in the feminine females that males are the most attracted to, that males like to look at —
and they are a small minority of all females.
I actually agree that it is wrong to objectify females, because the majority of females are
unattractive. Only 10% or so are really attractive; thus, a male has no business looking at the majority. But
then again, that is really the case already, and this might be the real reason why some of the 90% of
females get upset, as they are indeed neglected. Males are not objectifying all females in general; instead,
they ignore them, and the men who are most successful with women focus on the most attractive ladies
without wasting time on the rest. They neither look at them nor listen to their complaints because they
have no biological value.
You should be less concerned with what the majority of females want because you are honestly not
attracted to them, and their opinions do not represent those of the women you really want. Remember,
though, not only is the vast majority of females unattractive these days, but the same goes for the vast
majority of males. This means that the political agenda will always cater to the wishes of unattractive
people, as it caters to the majority. You should have this in the back of your mind whenever you hear
public opinion, government policies, mass media, and the opinion of any political movement. Politically
correct opinions will simply be ideas that are popular, ideas that the majority of people like to hear
regardless of how accurate or effective those ideas are. However, nevertheless, the women that males
really want are not part of the majority; they are never radical feminists, or the ones complaining.
One goal of traditional socialization, which feminists aim to preserve in their own way, is to protect
females in society. My point, however, is that a male should treat a female he wants like a woman; he
should make her feel feminine. That includes protecting her and shielding her from discomfort (since a
female is more vulnerable than him after all), but he should not sacrifice himself while doing so — as
women do not want that. Only society does. Females are naturally attracted to a male who believes he is
important and valuable, but also equal to them, and therefore treats his female as important and valuable
too. Only society wants males to believe, or at least to behave as if they believe, they are insignificant and
disposable but also inadequate for and unequal to all females and therefore willing to sacrifice
themselves if necessary.
From an evolutionary perspective, females are supposed to have been mating with the males who were
able to provide for and protect them, as the ones who cared more for these traits in a male would be more
likely to survive their pregnancy and make sure their offspring would survive to adulthood to reproduce
on their own. Traditional socialization, which teaches that males have to earn females and that females’
sexuality must be controlled, reinforces the ideas that males should be able to provide, while females
should make sure they are provided for, as that maximizes the children’s chances to survive and
Males with such supportive abilities have always had high status in all societies, so many
anthropologists believe that females are attracted to males with high status. Modern research of
matchmaking has also found that males with more wealth, which is a sign of high status and ability to
provide, are more likely to get married. However, the researchers’ conclusion that females are attracted
to males with wealth or high status is nevertheless false. In addition, examining the kind of partner males
and females decide to marry will only, even if the correct conclusions are drawn, lead to ideas for how to
find a marriage, something far less interesting and advantageous for males and not the type of relationship
they usually want, at least not primarily or naturally.
Nevertheless, it is still masculine males that females are attracted to, but males with such
characteristics are indeed more likely found among wealthy males with higher status than among males in
general, but those traits are far from exclusive to wealthy males. Males with status and power are, for
instance, more likely to have a lot of confidence, as confidence is a key to success in all endeavors, but
that does not rule out the existence of males without status and power possessing that same quality.
The researchers whose work is described above make the logical error of observing that all apples
are fruit and then drawing the erroneous conclusion that all fruits are apples. But their first mistake is to
search for the answers in the wrong place, to look at external data that are easy to measure (completely
excluding personality traits for instance) because they are just as affected by their socialization as
everyone else and come to the table with preconceived notions of which they are unaware. However,
thinking outside the box is probably not their specialty, and I would guess that neither is getting girls
because they would not study attraction if they already knew what women wanted; if they did, the male
researchers would most likely spend time pursuing women instead of sitting in a lab all day or trying to
meet women by “studying” them.
On a biological level, women do care more about finding a male who has the ability and willingness
to care for them. But the extent to which he is able to support a female is measured by his confidence,
while his will to care is found in his charm, and both traits are reflected in how much responsibility he
takes. It is these three personality traits themselves and their appearance in a male that turn females on and
bring a male his success with women, not his achievements or wealth. And the level of caring that is
necessary, and what it means to care for a woman, is very far from having a successful career or paying
Males believe such things are important because of their social conditioning, and females’ social
conditioning is heavily focused on brainwashing them to look for a male who will care for them even
more than they biologically feel is necessary. These are what “playing hard to get” and the traditional idea
of abstaining from sex entirely before marriage are all about, and why women go on so many blind dates
with males that look good on paper but turn out to be disappointing in person.
To be successful with women, you have to appear to care for them, however far from as much as we
are led to believe is necessary as females are instinctively attracted to a certain type of male on a
biological level, which their socialization cannot change. Plus, how they want to be cared for is quite
different from what is commonly believed.
Social forces may have changed what women believe they are attracted to so much that they even list
traits they are not born to be attracted to and do not actually respond to, which is one of several reasons
why it is never a good idea to follow females’ advice.
To ask for and follow a female’s advice may seem like a good idea if your experience with dating or even
talking to women is limited, but it is not. If you elicit female advice, you will end up with guidance that is
useless at best and counterproductive at worst, making you more and more confused and frustrated.
Females naturally believe themselves to be experts solely on the merit of being females, and they
have plenty of advice to give to anyone who asks despite the obvious fact that they have never
approached, seduced, and made love to a woman as a male. Besides that, however, there are several
other reasons why asking your female friends for help, including your mother, is not such a good idea.
First, females are conditioned to control their sexuality, and they are raised to believe that if they do
not, then they are bad, easy, loose, cheap, and naughty sluts that everyone will look down upon. That kind
of social pressure makes them officially claim certain things that might not be true. The best approach to
get girls is to understand that women actually are easy while at the same time never letting them feel so.
Second, females are not consciously aware of everything that they are attracted to in males because
their actual list of necessary qualities and the automatic process of being turned on is nonconscious. To
complicate things further, the things they are attracted to are not as obvious as mere physical looks either
— things like a certain attitude and specific behaviors, which are much harder to describe even if they are
aware of them. However, women might still think that they know what they truly want, and they will be
very happy to help and eager to give you their opinion if you ask them, usually in a very certain and
convincing way. When pressed for answers, they tend to give universal responses, such as claiming to
want a male who is funny, tall, and nice, yet they keep dating males who are not (something that you have
probably seen with your own eyes).
Third, females tend not to know how they were seduced if they have ever experienced it or even that
it is an underlying process that can be repeated. Even if they do remember and can identify the process,
whatever they describe will still be from their own perspective and not the same as the male who did it
would describe it. Considering the fact that so few males are good at getting the girls they want on a
consistent basis, even if a female knew a male’s exact strategy, assuming he had one, it would probably
not work with most other women.
Fourth, how females imagine that they will react to a male’s approach and how they actually do react
can be completely different. That is why girls will not give you an accurate answer if you ask them
whether a specific approach will work or not, but they will still give you an answer.
Finally, females tend to give males advice that only works for females, such as telling them to take
their time, let love come to them, that they will meet someone when they least expect it, and it will “just
happen.” But the only reason those things work for females is that they rely on males taking action. If you
are not getting girls at all, acting even more like one is not going to help you; it will only make things
It does not matter that female advice is given with the best of intentions. The road to hell is paved
with good intentions. Do yourself a favor and avoid it, no matter how sane and logical the advice may
seem. Chances are that you have listened to such advice in the past, and here you are still looking for the
right answers. However, to be fair, it is not only female advice you would be wise to avoid; I would
recommend that you avoid all conventional advice as well.
All the unnatural ideas about how males ought to pursue females that we learn through our socialization
are taken for granted, assumed to be true, reinforced, and passed on through conventional dating advice.
Mainstream advice will in general simply facilitate and further traditional social conditioning, since that
is what everyone is used to and what makes sense in their minds. There are also hidden agendas within
some advice, such as selling unnecessary products. Take for instance, the whole idea of “metrosexual
men,” males who care deeply about their looks and use makeup like women do. This is just a new way of
various industries to sell existing products to a new market. The idea is to target males who already have
low confidence or to create even more insecure males who will empty their pockets in an effort to feel
better and good enough for women. It is a sad sight to see females encourage it, and even sadder to see
males embrace it, but it is hardly surprising or unsound from a business perspective.
The biggest effect that this traditional socialization has on males, however, is that it causes them to
be indirect with women, which is why almost all males try using an excuse to start up a conversation: a
lighter, a dog, a friend, offering drinks, pretending to be lost, or pretending not to know what time it is.
This is a natural consequence for a male who believes that females do not want sex or that females are
more valuable and thus have to be earned.
Unfortunately, the more indirect a male is, the more feminine he appears, making him less attractive
to women. This unspoken indirect theme can be found as part of all conventional ideas and popular
advice in the realms of dating, which is why most males are also unsuccessful with women. When the
underlying paradigm is feminine, the ideas and advice spawned by it will never be effective as long as
females are attracted to masculine males.
Even though some advice is given with the best of intentions, people just do not understand the highlevel
issues that our socialization causes and that it is possible to circumvent the entire game if you
address these preconceived ideas and change your mindset. The best way to get girls is actually not to
play the game or to think outside the box; it is to avoid playing games and to step outside the box
completely. It involves changing your mindset from being indirect with women to being direct, from being
feminine to being masculine.
The mainstream dating advice and the traditions that go along with it focus on the wrong aspects, and
often behaviors that do not really make any difference, such as what to do on dates, where to go, and what
to wear — things to spend your money on, basically. This is what people tend to talk about as a result of
their social conditioning to compensate for a male’s presumed lower value to females. However, what to
spend your money on, or having money to spend, is the least of your worries if you want a woman who is
so beautiful that she makes you nervous, or if you do not feel good enough for her and hence consider it
necessary to spend any money on her. Those are issues that you have to deal with before anything else,
and they are all about you, with solutions resolving inside you.
Although following conventional advice may be better than sitting at home on your couch, it is still
far from good, and it is only defended by people because they do not understand that there is a much better
The big problem is that when males believe they are not good enough as they are, they chase success
and money, and their masculine confidence vanishes. If you believe females are attracted to something that
you do not have, you will feel inadequate and lose your confidence. This is a self-fulfilling prophesy
because confidence is crucial to your success with women as it is the primary expression of masculinity,
necessary to appear less vulnerable than females.
The only good news is that society has evolved and everyone have benefitted, but at the cost of
individual happiness. In the end, traditional socialization leads to a lot of unhappy males and females who
are not enjoying themselves and each other as much as they could.
Yes, females suffer because of it too!
However, the more affected you are by traditional socialization, the more you will believe it is only
making males’ lives more miserable when they are not getting girls. But to believe that means ignoring
females’ sexuality — believing that females are either less interested in sex or unable to enjoy it as much
as males do. All men who are good with women know for sure that this idea is false. If there is any
difference, it is that females have the potential to enjoy sexual pleasure more than males. Females are not
only able to enjoy sex more intensely, as they do not have to hold anything back or think unattractive
thoughts to avoid reaching climax, but they are also able to have multiple orgasms. And as far as being
interested in sex, females too think about it every day. They cannot even eat a banana without being
reminded of sex.
Still, the prevailing belief that most males have is that they are of less worth than females. Not only
do they believe they need to earn women, but they also believe that they gain the most from attaining them
because they think a female offers more value by herself than a male does by himself. In particular, they
believe that sex is not a mutual pleasure, but a one-way transaction where females lose at the gain of
males or a favor that females grant to males. This is why the mainstream idea of a man who is good with
women is that he is a sort of sexual thief, taking what he wants from women. A ladies man “uses” women
as if sex were not a mutually pleasurable act. But if men really did “exploit” women, they would not be so
popular with them, now would they?
If anyone is getting more out of it than the other, it is the females who enjoy an experienced man. It
may very well be that females are mainly at the mercy of a male’s sexual skill to enjoy the full potential of
their pleasure in bed. This is an experience the ordinary male may not be able to provide because he has
not had enough practice, he does not appreciate his ordinary female enough to make the effort, and she has
not been with more experienced males to understand the pleasure she is missing.
Unfortunately, many females are no better themselves, and they make the very same mistake males do
because they are conditioned to react in the same way as males. That is why they will look with initial
skepticism at a book like this, until they realize that having more males who are more attractive and more
adept at treating women well would actually benefit them too, perhaps benefit them the most, at least if
they are attractive.
However, females are not the only ones who will automatically react with skepticism and even fight
against their own best interests when something challenges their social beliefs; in fact, everyone will.
That is the expected response and one of the challenges that you will face if you do not follow the
informal rules of society. Most people will eventually come around if you sit them down and explain how
their upbringing has influenced them, and they will slowly be able to step back and look at the situation
more objectively. However, to even propose ideas that go against our traditional socialization, even
further to take action that defies it — such as to pursue women without being successful or rich — will
present some mental challenges. Nevertheless, it is still the most effective approach; it is what you should
do, and what this book is about.
For an individual male, it is in his best interest to change his attitude, but for society as a whole, it is
not beneficial, and I bring this up to prepare you for the social resistance you will encounter. You may not
encounter resistance, you will encounter it. As society is based on these ideas, people will automatically
and nonconsciously fight to preserve them.
Nevertheless, just because you have believed something for a very long time or because the majority
of people believes something does not make it true. It was not too long ago that the overwhelming
majority sincerely believed the world was flat, and people back then believed it with as strong a
conviction that they still believe females need to be earned and that females do not enjoy sex as much as
males do. But just as the world is not flat, you do not have to earn females, and they actually do enjoy sex
as much as males do. The opposite is a lie, which makes everything that is based on it — all the
discussions you hear, all the advice you have been given based on those ideas — worthless as well.
When the underlying paradigm is wrong, the ideas based on it will most likely be wrong as well since it
is hard to hit your mark when you are facing the wrong direction, no matter how good your aim.
By simply understanding nature and nurture, you are ahead of the game already. Next, you need to
learn more about their effects to take advantage of this knowledge and to best seduce women.
Seduction is a natural and uncomplicated activity. It can humorously, yet accurately, be described as the
process by which males and females who are mutually attracted learn to know each other intimately, one
sense at a time, by moving closer to each other at a comfortable pace until the male ends up inside the
female and is so comfortable that he inseminates her. But our socialization is the cause of several limiting
beliefs about what women want, and it suppresses the natural behavior that females are attracted to in
males, which makes the originally amusing, simple, and straightforward process appear a lot more
serious, complicated, and difficult.
Before you reach the final part of this book, Part IV — which is about the seduction process itself;
what to do and in what order to do it — there will be several discussions on what to avoid. This may
seem a bit strange. Why dedicate such a big proportion of the book to what not to do instead of only
discussing what to do? Unfortunately, males who are unsuccessful with women do many things that are not
only wrong but also unnecessary. However, there really is not that much a man has to do to seduce
women. Success is simple and straightforward, but failure is hard and complicated.
The best way to actually get girls is to understand what women want (not what our socialization
leads us to believe they want and not what women’s socialization leads women to claim they want, but
what they actually respond to naturally) and then give it to them. And while our socialization makes males
believe, or at least act like, they are of less worth than females and that females have to be earned, which
is nonsense, a male does need to offer females value to be interesting to them; he needs something that
increase females’ chances to pass their genes on.
However, a male’s value, which is a synonym for his attractiveness, lies within himself the same
way a female’s value, her attractiveness, is all part of her. Members of both sexes look for traits that
increase their own chance to survive and reproduce. The only difference is that females value different
things in males than males do in females. Males want women for what their nonconscious mind believes
women’s bodies can offer them, while females want men for what their nonconscious mind believes
men’s behaviors can offer them.
If women do not find a male attractive, he is simply not offering them enough genetic value; his
behavior is unattractive, and he can only become attractive by improving his behavior to become more
masculine and thus in fact more valuable to women. However, women not only want a male they are
attracted to, but they also prefer a man who is attracted to them, so the process of seduction boils down to
demonstrating that attraction too.
What women want is supposed to be some sort of unsolved mystery that has haunted males, and even
females, since the dawn of civilization. Well, no more!
Women want men who treat them like women, males who are masculine and who make females feel
feminine — men with confidence, charm, and responsibility.
There are three reasons for this. First, women want a male with confidence for natural reasons
because the more secure he appears, the less vulnerable he seems. Such a male appears to have the ability
to protect and support a female better than she could protect and support herself. Second, they want a
male with charm for natural reasons because the more interested in one particular female he appears to
be, the more reliable he seems. Such a male appears to have the willingness to protect and support a
female without leaving her for another female. Third, they want a male with responsibility for both natural
and social reasons because the more action a male takes, the more masculine he appears and the more
feminine a female feels. Such a male appears to have both confidence and charm, as he is taking all the
risks and making all the effort to seduce her. He also appears to understand the social pressures she is
under, as women are not raised to take responsibility for sex.
Thus, the three following chapters in Part II describe each of these three topics, starting with
confidence, then charm, and finally responsibility.
All males who adopt these behaviors will be successful with women for as long as they act the same
way. But there is a slight difference between acting and being. A male who wants to be successful with
women should aim to internalize these behaviors, so that he is confident, charming, and responsible, not
just able to act as if he is.
Nevertheless, it is fine and in fact necessary to act like an attractive male if you are just beginning
your journey to becoming a man. Fake it until you make it. Becoming attractive as a male takes time, as it
involves changing lifelong habits in the same way it takes time for an obese female to lose the weight she
has spent her lifetime gaining. But those who stick with it, work at it every single day, and double their
efforts until they get the results they want, will eventually no longer act; they will be, and that is how you
accomplish both easy and lasting success with women.
Attractive and Attracted
Although an effective mindset is essential, it only matters that it leads to effective manners. Your manners
are all the behaviors that originate from your beliefs. Understanding what women want is only the
beginning; you also have to understand how to give it to them.
When you have completely adopted the right mindset, your behavior will change automatically, and
this is what matters because to other people you are your behavior. However, if your beliefs are deeply
rooted and they have been for a very long time, the best way to change them is to challenge them. Nothing
shatters false beliefs as fast and as thoroughly as ignoring them; act otherwise and experience the
evidence you have been avoiding. If you believe that you cannot do something but go ahead and do it
anyway, and succeed, that belief will eventually change because your personal experience contradicts it.
Thus, you have to understand what behavior to adopt and what behavior to avoid.
The ability to appear certain by tolerating uncertainty. To be dominant, optimistic, and courageous
with women, and never act intimidated by them.
It is quite easy to tell someone to be confident, and I am definitely not the first one to advocate males’
confidence around women, but I am the first to actually explain what that really means. True confidence
has such an impact on all facets of one’s life that its meaning demands to be explained in great detail. It
affects all of your behavior, which is why I will refer to this central concept hundreds of times throughout
this book. However, let’s first explore the concept so that we are perfectly clear on what confidence
Most people believe confidence is the state or quality of being certain, and thus to “be confident”
means to be or feel certain about your ability to do something, to be or feel sure of yourself. That is the
generally accepted dictionary definition, but it obviously does not describe confidence accurately in
reality. If it were accurate, it would be impossible to be confident unless you could see into the future, and
there would be no naturally confident people. However, confident people do exist, and some even embark
on new endeavors full of confidence. This is perfectly possible because confidence is merely the
appearance of certainty, regardless of how or why one appears to be so. Actual certainty or feelings of
certainty may have nothing to do with it.
When it comes to being attractive to women, internal insurance is unnecessary as women do not care
why men are confident. They only care about the external appearance of certainty, how males behave,
because that is the only thing they can see, and it has proved to be a good indicator throughout the history
of our species in the selection of suitable sexual partners.
In fact, not only is internal insurance unnecessary, it is even undesirable. Some people are sure of
themselves on the inside, but you would never know it judging by their appearance, so we still label them
as unconfident. Such males are not attractive to females. Others may have no idea what they are doing or
have misunderstood their situation entirely, yet they appear dead certain because they act dead certain, so
we label them as confident. Such males are attractive to females.
An easier way for males to comprehend this idea is to consider how they care only about the external
appearance of health, youth, and fertility in females. They are more attracted to a female who looks like
she would be a good mother, even if she cannot have children due to an unknown disease, compared to a
female with a perfect health record, but who looks ugly and old, with a flat chest and no hips worth
While women do not care about a male’s real abilities as long as he is confident (he appears
certain), their parents and peers might care. Luckily, you do not have to please those people; in fact, you
do not even have to meet them. Women are well known for falling for so-called “bad boys” and “losers”
despite the complaints of their peers and prohibition of their parents. You see, when we are attracted to
someone, we nonconsciously focus on the good qualities and filter out the bad, unless the bad qualities
include an unattractive appearance. For a male, this primarily means being too feminine as that will
change how attractive he is to females, and if he loses his attractiveness, all his other faults suddenly
Many males have experienced this effect while in a relationship with a female who was nothing but
wonderful, telling all her friends what a great guy she had. However, as soon as they broke up, it is as if
she turned into another person and could not help telling everyone in the world what an asshole he was.
He probably did not change that much, but her perception of him did as her focus changed.
Since being confident means appearing certain, the only thing that matters is how to appear certain
with women. It requires you to adopt some behaviors while avoiding others. A confident male does not
express uncertainty, neither in general nor with women, and he is dominant around women since he acts
like he knows what he is doing.
All men are dominant as dominance is a requisite for confidence, which is the primary expression of
masculinity. But dominance is not an intrinsic individual quality. It only exists in relation to other people,
and it becomes apparent through how one interacts with others via observation of who leads, who
follows, who acts, and who reacts the most. In short, dominant people seem to trust themselves the most
— they appear to be the most certain.
In every couple, only one of the two can be dominant, and one of them always is. Therefore, to be a
dominant male automatically means to treat women as submissive and expect them to be submissive. This
is inevitable. If you do not do so, you will act submissively yourself, and this behavior is doomed to fail
with women since it is feminine.
However, the point is not to become domineering or to control women; it is only about putting your
own interests first, being selfish most of the time. It is also unnecessary to be dominant with all females or
even all women; it is only necessary to be so with the women you date or want to date. But, of course, if
you want to be attractive at all times, you would always be dominant, no matter the circumstances.
All signs of submission are feminine and only make females more attractive because it is more
appropriate to be submissive if you are more vulnerable. Let me give you two everyday examples to
prove this point.
First, the tighter a necklace or scarf sits around a female’s throat, the more attractive she looks
because it is a symbol of submission to have something around your neck, like the rope around the neck of
a pet or slave. The thinner the piece is, the more feminine it looks, because it is symbol of physical
weakness if the “chain” does not have to be strong to hold her. This is why males who wear jewelry
usually wear pieces that are designed to be stronger, heavier, thicker — chains that fall more loosely
around the neck because it looks more masculine that way.
Second, the more a female looks upward when she is photographed, the more attractive she looks
because it is a sign of submission to look up to someone else, much like a pet or a child does. The higher
the camera is above her head, the more feminine she looks, because it is symbol of physical smallness if
she has to look up. This is why girls hold their cameras at arm’s length above their heads to take pictures
of themselves, as they know they look more attractive that way.
However, few females consciously think to themselves, “I want to look small, weak, and submissive,
like a pet or slave” when they take their picture or shop for tight, thin jewelry such as necklaces, anklets,
and bracelets. They just try a pose or an item on and realize, “That looks nice!” because it does, as a
female looks more attractive the more feminine she is, and she looks more feminine because she appears
more vulnerable, and she appears more vulnerable whenever she seems more submissive.
Nevertheless, even if females were not more attracted to dominant males than submissive ones, a
male would still have far more success if he is dominant, since treating yourself and your will as more
important will always yield far better results than not. If you do not take care of your own self-interests,
no one else will. You have to be selfish, and the more selfish you are, the more successful you will be.
Those who get furthest in life, including with women, are those who take matters into their own hands and
protect their own interests because no one else will do it for them. They are selfish, so that is what you
must be to succeed with women. However, it is also inevitable that selfishness leads to dominance and,
thus, being selfish is necessary to be masculine. If we were not all raised to believe that selfishness was
extremely bad behavior, I could just leave it at that, but now we are in the middle of something that our
socialization tries to meddle with the most.
You are the most important person in your life, so you should treat yourself as such, but few people
do. Most are afraid of being seen as selfish and being labeled by their peers as someone with a big ego,
as if that automatically means you are a bad person.
When people say that someone has a big ego, they mean that the person is egotistical and thinks more
highly of himself than other people, or to be more specific, the person thinks more highly of himself than
he is “supposed” to. It is quite normal and expected for people to say that you have a big ego as soon as
you think you are more than worthless, since each individual alone in society is not worth much, and
males in particular are seen as almost completely disposable before they have proven their usefulness by
working hard. This is why you hear females talk about men and their big egos, as a male who deems
himself equal to females may appear that way.
Egotism and selfishness are preached in all societies as sinful behavior, while altruism and selfsacrifice
are encouraged as honorable virtues. And the ideal male has always been the hero, someone
who shows a willingness to sacrifice himself for a greater good. Most religions and many political
parties promote this as an important moral value. The intentions are usually good because it seems like a
good idea for individuals to sacrifice themselves for the greater good of us all, but it only seems like a
good idea if you avoid actually thinking it through thoroughly.
All of the prevailing societies are structured in such a way to put the interest of the group before the
individual. If they were not, they would not have prevailed, as that is what is needed for a society to
survive over time. The crux of the matter is, though, that what is best for society is not necessarily even
good for the individual, and the purpose of social conditioning is to preserve and develop our society as a
whole, not to allow individuals to reach their potential or get what they want. That is why self-sacrifice is
preached as virtuous, for instance, while it is obviously a path that will lead individuals further away
from their happiness. Rulers from all of history have known this; hence, they have been loud advocates for
altruism and preached about the sin of selfishness for the masses of people without practicing what they
preach. Politicians still do it today, and they are constantly caught catering to their own interests against
their public policies. They do it because it is the smart thing to do and the only way to make sure they get
what they want. Following public policy rarely leads to personal success. Altruism is only a winning
concept if you can convince others to sacrifice themselves for you.
However, altruism does not make any rational sense when you think about it; if your purpose in life
is to serve other people, what are those people you are serving doing here? But the big problem with a
society that promotes this is that it does not permit anyone to have self-respect. You cannot have high selfesteem
(believe you are valuable and important) without being selfish. This is not a problem, though,
because selfishness is not as bad as we are led to believe — quite the contrary.
Through traditional socialization we are led to believe that individuals who look after their own
interests jeopardize society as a whole, regardless of what they actually do, and, therefore, selfishness
must be condemned unconditionally. This attitude is evident in the way that many people use the adjective
selfish whenever they describe the actions of people who make gains at the expense of the well-being of
others, but that is not selfish — that is foolish. You are not looking after your own interests if it means
stepping on other people and violating their rights along the way because making enemies does not serve
your own best interests over the long term. This is actually self-destructive, which is the complete
opposite of selfish!
We are also led to believe that selfishness rules out both charity and kindness, but it really does not.
In fact, most people who help others actually do so because they are selfish. Helping others makes the
helpers feel good, and it is what they want to do. They do not see it as sacrificing themselves, so they are
not altruistic. But that is okay, because those who are helped do not care about their helpers’ motives.
But the truth is, who benefits from a deed has no relevance to whether that deed is good or evil, i.e.
whether you do something for yourself or for others is not the measure of goodness which our traditional
socialization leads us to believe — what matters is only if the deed aids or threatens anyone’s well-being;
thus, if you worry about morals, that is the only thing you ought to concern yourself with.
Dominance requires that you treat yourself as important, and thus you have to value yourself, which
altruism does not permit. However, the point is not to believe that you are of more worth than you really
are, but neither is it to think that you are of less worth. Egotism is an exaggerated sense of selfimportance,
and altruism is an understated sense of self-importance. Both attitudes are extremes on each
side of the same spectrum. There is a perfect center — being realistic and rational and understanding that
you are the most important person in your life, that if you do not take care of your self-interests, no one
else will, and whether you are a good person depends on whether you hurt anyone, not simply to whom
you direct your actions.
To consider yourself important means to have high self-esteem, as self-esteem is simply your own opinion
of yourself — how valuable you deem yourself to be. It is a decision, not an emotion. People we label as
having high self-esteem are those who appear that way because they put themselves first constantly — by
making the decision to do so over and over regardless of how they feel on the inside. Now, it is true that
actual feelings of self-regard do exist the same way that feelings of certainty do exist. However, just as
you do not have to pay attention to your feelings of certainty to act certain, you do not have to pay attention
to your feelings of importance to act important: Since you are the most important person in your life, you
can naturally act that way for no special reason.
It is still confidence that you need to be successful with women, but if you “have” self-esteem — by
deciding to act as important as you really are — you will appear certain too. In this regard, self-esteem
leads to confidence, and this is why self-esteem is often confused with confidence and why you may hear
females say they like a male with a lot of it.
Because self-esteem leads to confidence, anything that diminishes it will reduce your success with
women. This is yet another reason why traditional socialization for males is so bad, as it attempts to
lower males’ self-regard and then fool them into thinking they must earn it back by working hard and
prove their worth to women and the world. But self-esteem is self-respect, not just respect in general.
What you achieve in life may earn you respect from other people, but that is not self-esteem; that is
“others-esteem.” It is called self-esteem for a reason, because it is how you regard yourself — which is a
decision entirely up to you. There are no conditions to be met beyond the conditions you give yourself. It
is all based on your own opinion, which you fully control.
However, those who do not trust themselves more than others tend to rely on other people’s opinion
and to gauge their own worth and importance by how well other people regard them, and they then act
accordingly. This is an easy mistake to make since we are raised to seek approval from other people.
Plus, we actually need it as we grow up because other people truly are more important than we are when
we are young; we would not have survived without them.
Nevertheless, approval from others is no longer necessary for adults who are self-reliant and
independent, perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. But once a habit has been established when
we are young, it often continues with a life of its own. The same type of behavior that we grew up with to
please our parents remains alive and well. Thus, adult males chase success in society by focusing on
academic achievements, professional careers, and competitions to prove their worth. Not until society
responds by giving them recognition, acceptance, appreciation, and status do they allow themselves to
feel more valuable, or at least equal to females.
Social conditioning leaves little wonder why females’ ideal male is called Prince Charming or why
they get excited over doctors since few males except those who have either inherited or earned high status
behave attractively. But once again, it is not the status per se that females are attracted to in these males,
but the masculine confidence apparent from their dominance.
A male does not actually have to be important to society to be attractive to women; there is no need
to achieve high status, even though the few who are dominant tend to have high social status. Without this
formal status, adults tend to not give themselves the permission to act important, as we are raised to prove
ourselves and our value before we can do so. Raising children that way may be necessary, but this selfregulatory
behavior eventually turns out to be a huge obstacle to a male’s success with women, as acting
important is a necessity to be attractive to them. When a female meets a male, she gauges his confidence
by the way he relates to other people, not only to her but also to everyone else, including bystanders,
family, friends, strangers, and potential or hypothetical boyfriends. She is looking for a masculine male,
not only a male with a lot of confidence, but one who actually has more confidence than she does — a
dominant male — a man she can look up to, and she will pay close attention to how a male behaves to
judge his value.
Nevertheless, deeming yourself as the most important person, including more important than the
women you want, does not mean that you have to or should disrespect them. There is no need to insult
women off-handedly every now and then when you approach them; you can in fact treat them well as long
as you make sure to treat yourself even better and expect to be treated like that by other people, including
People are commonly raised to believe that they are worthless to begin with, that they should
sacrifice themselves for their peers, and that the only way to regain their natural self-worth is by working
hard and serving society. Males are unquestionably raised to believe that earning achievements is
necessary to prove their value. Thus, males with status regain informal permission to think and act
important, with formal authority and external recognition to back them up for as long as they still serve.
Nevertheless, earning your self-esteem in this way is not a good idea. Besides the fact that it
confuses respect with self-respect, there are many further complications.
First, the process of earning your self-esteem is tedious. It takes a long time to earn degrees and
promotions and to get in shape for competitions and to compete. Postponing your pursuit of women until
you have reached your goals is a bad idea because of all the time that you are wasting in the meantime.
You could literally waste a lifetime doing it — many males do.
Second, it is unpredictable. You cannot know how much better you will feel and how long that will
last before you have reached your goals. Sometimes when you achieve even a challenging task, you are
left with a feeling of disappointment, as you realize that your accomplishments did not have the
overwhelming effect you had hoped for.
Third, it is fragile. When you ground your self-worth in a specific domain, such as your professional
success, your self-esteem is vulnerable to negative events within that area, for example, if you lose your
job or an essential client. If whatever you built your self-esteem on crumbles entirely, you would be back
to square one.
Fourth, it does not always translate well from one area to the other. At the end of the day, you still
have to spend time talking to women to get them. You may feel like a million bucks at the office or the
club but not necessarily when you leave it.
Finally, it is unnecessary, because women do not care about how you cultivate the appearance of
importance. They are only attracted to your external appearance — your dominance. Even if you regard
yourself extremely well on the inside, you still have to demonstrate your self-esteem with confident
behavior for women to notice it. It is not enough only to think well of yourself if no one notices or if you
act otherwise, and it actually does not matter if you feel worthless and unimportant as long as you do not
act like it. Once you understand this, you also understand why many of the sexiest men on earth, according
to women, are actors, but they are not actors because they are sexy; they are sexy because they are actors.
Attaching your self-esteem to anything external is just a bad idea. It creates an unnecessary
intermediary that only makes your life vastly more complicated and your progress far more time
consuming than it has to be. It is not natural to feel bad and less valuable without achievements or
expensive gadgets. If you feel worthless because you do not have a high-paying job, a nice apartment, or
an expensive car, allow me to remind you that none of those things existed a few decades ago. None of
them. Money does indeed not grow on trees.
It is also not natural to feel bad about yourself or your appearance or to worry about what other
people think of you. If you feel bad about yourself when you have not cut your hair for a long time, when
your clothes are not expensive, or when your white sneakers no longer look new, then you have to
understand that these feelings are learned and not natural. Just look at the way kids run around buck naked
or in funny costumes, with paint and mud all over their faces, completely unaffected by their appearance.
They are still smiling and playing with their friends without any worries about what other people think
about them. The idea does not even cross their minds that they look ridiculous until they grow up and their
parents start telling them that they must not walk outside looking like that, that they will embarrass
themselves or the rest of the family, etc. Children are conditioned to start worrying about how they look
and to regard other people’s opinion more than their own. Therefore, you see, what we call high selfesteem
is actually nothing but a natural state of mind. We are all born with it.
Newborns come into this world believing that they are the center of it, because they really are the
center of their own world. Then social conditioning kicks in, and they learn that the world is full of other
people and that they are no better than anyone else. They are told not to consider only themselves, and
since they are told this so many times, they end up putting themselves last; hence, their natural self-esteem
is worn down day by day.
If your self-esteem is affected by the opinions of others, even in the slightest, it is because you have
accepted the idea that your self-worth is open for reevaluation depending on how useful and important
you are to other people — how useful you are to society. When other people demonstrate that they
appreciate you and your contribution to the world, they will respect, encourage, celebrate, and promote
you, and you have been raised to identify that treatment as a sign of being valuable. However, that is not
self-esteem; that is gratification from others.
To allow other people’s opinion of you to affect how important you think you are may be normal, but
normal does not equal good. Consider, for example, that it is not normal for a male to have many females,
it is not normal for a male to have attractive females, and it is definitely not normal for a male to have
many attractive females. What male really wants to be normal?
The only way to increase your self-esteem to its maximum and to keep it high permanently is to adopt
a different mental approach. Rather than seeking acceptance from other people, you should seek it from
yourself. Trust your own opinion of yourself more than that of others or learn not to rely on anyone’s
opinion but your own. Decide to accept yourself unconditionally.
This does not mean you should stop improving yourself, but it does mean you should stop feeling bad
about who you are in the meantime and stop comparing yourself to others: It is not about being better than
other people; it is about being as good as you can be, period. No external comparisons are necessary.
You are who you are. Accept it.
Unconditional acceptance is far better than constant evaluation because you will experience failures
every now and then (it is how you learn and grow), and there is always someone who will be better than
you are at something, which means that your self-esteem would fluctuate all too easily if you compared
yourself to others. Your self-esteem should always be at its maximum, untouchable by other people and
unshaken by events in the outside world. It should not fluctuate at all, which is how it was before you
were socialized to think differently.
When you accept yourself as you are, you will be less prone to jealousy, worry, blame, guilt, regret,
lies, insults, and even compliments. Thus, you will appear more certain (you will be more confident). For
example, hearing compliments or insults from somebody else will not make any difference if you know
yourself or trust your own opinion the most. So when you notice someone who reacts strongly to other
people’s remarks, even compliments, they are nonconsciously admitting their lack of confidence and selfesteem.
This is typical for women, who tend to lack both. They are easily affected by other people’s opinions
about them. Even if a complete stranger gives them a negative remark, they dwell on it for days or start to
argue and defend themselves rather than ignore it. They are also thrilled to hear how lovely they look
every single day.
You should be the exact opposite because it is masculine never to express your vulnerabilities. You
should be indifferent, although that doesn’t mean being impolite or a pushover: You should still thank
others for giving you compliments and deal with those who insult you.
Besides being the simple thing to do, there are more benefits of accepting yourself unconditionally.
Once you get a girl without having relied on any external value for your attractiveness, you also know for
sure that she really likes you and that she will be yours for as long as you want her to be, as long as you
do not change. You do not have to hide the fact that you lost your job, your car broke down, or that you are
still living with your parents. Your relationship will be less stressful and more honest, which is healthy.
The only problem is that children are conditioned to avoid “inappropriate” behavior, including
acting more important than others without having earned that right, by feelings of shame.
Shame is a painful emotion; it is when you feel bad about yourself as a person. However, it comes from a
violation of cultural or social values, not from breaking your internal values or even external laws. It is
one aspect of socialization that exists in all societies all over the world. It is used to repress all kinds of
undesirable behavior and to preserve social cohesion in the community by rejecting members who deviate
from the group until they agree to conform.
How easily you become ashamed and embarrassed is directly linked to your level of self-esteem,
since shame is figuratively (and sometimes literally) about covering yourself. The higher your self-esteem
is, the less embarrassed you allow yourself to be. You will only be embarrassed over something if you
care more about what other people think of you than you think of yourself, especially if others discover
something that you “ought to be ashamed of.” You would only care about that unwritten list of behaviors
that are deemed socially unacceptable if your self-esteem is low to begin with because other people have
passed this list on to you too. You were not born with it.
Children are not naturally embarrassed over anything. They run around naked outdoors if they feel
like it, they will lie straight to their parents’ faces about who ate all the chocolate while their face is still
covered with it, and they will take someone else’s toy in the sandbox without asking for permission and
without worrying if someone sees them doing it. Children do not care about any of that, at least not until
they have been told to be ashamed of themselves, to go into their room and feel bad for a while, to go to
bed without dinner, and to promise never to do anything like that to upset their parents again. Children are
taught the basic rules of society this way (such as to not lie or steal), which is a good thing, but they are
motivated to follow those rules because they will feel bad if they do not, rather than because not
following them would cause social disruptions. Once we become adults, we understand the more complex
reasons for having these rules, but the conditioned response of a strong uncomfortable emotion still
prevails among many grownups.
Adults who tend to be easily embarrassed often rationalize that they are better people because of it,
but you are not more respectable, polite, and well-mannered if you are easily ashamed. You are only more
brainwashed, and that is the only thing that is truly embarrassing.
Sex is still taboo in many parts of the world, even though we all know it is the very reason we exist.
We obviously would not be here if our ancestors had not had sex with each other. Your parents had sex
with each other, and your grandparents had sex too. It is a scary thought, I know, and something no one
likes to talk about. However, when you grow up in an environment in which people intentionally avoid
such a central subject, then it starts becoming a social problem.
Traditional socialization has always made sex taboo, so although everyone has natural sexual
desires, they are often covered up as if it would be a big deal for others to know. In most social settings,
talking about sex is considered embarrassing, and even thinking about it is shameful.
Few families talk about sex in a relaxed manner around the dinner table, and most do not talk about it
at all — despite a family being the result of sex. Children are told they were brought into the world by a
stork if they ask where they come from, and while being allowed to watch people get hurt or even die on
TV, their parents change the channel if there is anything sexual in a television show. Many adults never
talk about sex as if they have no interest in it and nothing to say about it, unless they have been drinking
and then it all of a sudden can dominate an entire evening’s discussion. Many religions still preach that
sex is bad for you, at least before you have married, and legislators have imposed age restrictions on both
the access of sexual material as well as the real practice of sex itself. These restrictions are enforced by
incarceration, which forces people to hide their natural sexual desires and hence be ashamed of them.
All forms of shame are indicators of your low self-esteem, which is why you have to get over them.
However, it really becomes a problem when you are ashamed of your sexual desires, since you have to
reveal to women that you find them sexy and that you want to have sex with them to seduce them.
Otherwise, you will end up with a female friend, not a girlfriend, because sex is what separates the two
kinds of relationships.
Many males believe there are insurmountable sexual differences between males and females, but
while there are some sexual differences, they are not significant enough to matter for our purposes. Social
differences, however, create the illusion that there are big biological differences: When females are more
prone to avoid the subject of sex than males (as they are pressured to do so), society adopts the idea that
females are less interested in sex, and almost all males who are unsuccessful with women believe this is
That women are supposedly less interested in sex is often communicated indirectly by insinuations,
phrased in terms of males being more interested in sex, if not completely obsessed about it. And when
females are pressured to avoid responsibility for sex and are taught to feign disinterest and play hard to
get, they inevitably create the impression that they are less sexual, that their sexual desires are lower, and
that their sexual fantasies are less frequent than those of males.
Nevertheless, females are not less interested in sex than males are; they are just more cautious and
more concerned about appearing cautious, even if that includes downplaying their sexual interest,
rounding down the number of sexual partners they have had, or lying about how often they think about sex
when asked in surveys. Their sexual drive is equal to that of males and may even seem higher when it is
unleashed after having been suppressed, something that men who are good with women happily
discovered long ago.
This is essential to understand because you will not be successful with women if you hide your
sexual interest in them, if you are unable to make them feel sexy, and if you are unable to arouse them
sexually — things you will have a hard time doing if you believe that sex is not something women want or
if you are ashamed of your sexual desires.
Any shame you feel indicates that you consider other people’s opinion more important than your own
and has to be dealt with, and if it is evident in sexual circumstances you have to deal with it as soon as
possible. If you check women out but look away when they notice you doing it, if your face turns red
whenever sex comes up, if you’d rather walk around than straight through the lingerie section, if you leave
the room or lower your voice when your girlfriend calls you, or if buying condoms takes more effort than
buying anything else, you have to get over it. And the only way to do that is to challenge rather than avoid
those kinds of uncomfortable situations. For starters, you should read this book in a public place, such as
on the bus to school, on the subway to work, or at the café you go to on the weekends, if that is what you
would normally do but somehow decided not to this time. If you always read books in the privacy of your
own home, make an exception this time and go out to read.
Challenge yourself! No one else will do it for you.
You have to become shameless so that you are able to do whatever you want to do, whatever needs
to be done, even if some people generally would avoid it and label it as embarrassing. If they want to
make themselves feel bad, fine. Let them have it. Some people actually do feel embarrassed about what
other people do; that is how strong the effects of social conditioning can be, but this only proves that some
of our feelings have nothing to do with our own experience.
Shame and pride are on opposite sides of the same spectrum, and proud of yourself is something that
you should be. But never boast and brag about yourself because that means that you are still concerned
with what other people think of you and still consider their opinion more highly than your own (you are
submissive). Let go of such ideas, and if others let you know that you ought to be ashamed of anything, do
not yield to their reality. Be confident!
To be dominant means to have an unyielding personality, to have personal integrity. To be stubborn, but
with a smile on your face and without arguing. People will notice this when you are less reluctant to give
in to their wishes and when you never sacrifice your convictions for the opinions or wishes of others.
While personal development and growth are both admirable and desirable, most males feel the need
to change themselves for women, but you should never have to change your true self for women to get
them. If you do, it is not really you that is getting girls, but some alternate persona.
The only situation in which it may seem appropriate to pretend to be someone you are not is if you
believe you are unattractive to women and normally act that way. It may appear that you have to pretend to
be someone you are not to be confident, charming, and responsible, but one of my main points in this book
is to show you that you were once attractive to women, and you would have stayed that way had it not
been for your socialization. If you are unsuccessful with women, it is not because you are being yourself,
but the opposite.
To have an unyielding personality includes being able to say “no” to women when they ask you for
something that you only would consider to agree to because a pretty face is asking, and you would never
allow yourself to be persuaded otherwise. This includes being dragged up on stage to sing or dance if you
do not feel like it. It also includes refusing to be treated as a home improvement project by your
Some females like to see their male as an incomplete human being, and they try hard to change him
into what they honestly do believe is better, only to find that once they have gotten their way they are
puzzled because they are no longer attracted to him. At first, it does not appear to make sense. They
should like him even more after all of the changes, yet they find that they do not and neither do they have
any idea why that is. Even more puzzled is the male in the relationship who has given up all his hobbies,
mates, habits, and opinions just as she asked, only to find himself single again “despite” all the sacrifices
he made for the female.
This phenomenon is only a phenomenon if you do not understand that the male’s unyielding
personality turned out to be not so unyielding after all. He did not become less attractive despite his
sacrifices, but because of them. He was obviously not as sure of himself as she first thought; he was not
very confident after all since he changed himself so much.
Men who are good with women do not change themselves for women; they never even consider it,
and they certainly do not fear losing women, as it is not confident to worry about things. Not only do they
expect to get away with their selfish and shameless behavior, but they also expect women to yield to them
as they are unyielding themselves. Basically, they are optimistic.
To be optimistic means to have positive expectations, and your expectations are your mental
predisposition of how you will handle uncertainty. It is about whether you believe the future will unfold
in your favor or not, and to be confident with women, it is best to adopt positive expectations whenever
you interact with them.
All men who are successful with women have such positive expectations, or at least they act like
they do. But most males are pessimistic when it comes to women and thus have negative expectations,
sometimes even assuming the worst. They overreact and immediately think that they have been stood up if
a woman has not arrived exactly on time for a date, and they quickly become jealous if she as much as
mentions other males. However, the worst males never get that far. As soon as they lay their eyes on a
woman, they assume she has a boyfriend already, that he must be better than they are, that she would never
be interested in them, that she would even be upset if they approached her, and that they will fail, so there
is no point in even trying. If they do try, their low expectations become known by the way that they present
themselves. They might say, “You wouldn’t want to go on a date with me, would you?” This would make
it very clear that they do not expect her to accept, which she of course doesn’t, as she is not attracted to a
male with so little confidence if she has better options.
But the real problem with this pessimistic attitude is that all expectations are self-fulfilling
prophecies. If you believe things will not go your way, perhaps even that you will bother women when
you approach them, things probably won’t go your way, and you probably will bother women, if you
allow that lack of confidence to show. But if you do not believe you will bother women, if you believe
that women will be glad to meet you, they probably will be glad to meet you since being approached by a
confident male is the biggest compliment a woman can receive, even if she is uninterested for other
When your confidence is low, it is normal to worry about the outcome and to try to anticipate what
will happen, how a woman will react, and how she will respond. Your brain attempts to reduce the
uncertainty of the situation, even if it requires irrational delusion. When your self-esteem is really low, it
tends to show itself through a remarkable obsession of worrying about what other people think of you.
You will be inclined to try to read other people’s minds, both of the women you are interested in and of
people who are nearby.
No one can predict the future accurately and consistently, and that includes you, so stop trying to
figure out how a woman and others will react, and instead find out for sure. Pay attention to what women
actually do, not what you believe they will do. Your fears are still only in your imagination, regardless of
how vivid or likely they seem. You have to be rational and see things for what they really are. You will
never know exactly what is going to happen, but you do not have to, so avoid fretting about the outcome.
So far, you have been able to handle every challenge life has presented to you, both in expected and
unexpected situations, and I can promise you that you will be able to handle whatever happens today and
tomorrow, too. This is what true confidence is all about. It is not about feeling certain, it is about dealing
with uncertainty. Worry plays no part in that.
If you could read other people’s mind, you would probably be disappointed because the sad reality
is that people do not think that much about you. They are too busy thinking about themselves, worrying
about what other people are thinking about them. While you are worrying about what other people are
thinking of you, they are worrying about what you are thinking of them. You are all self-conscious.
Women are often self-conscious because they know physical looks are important for a female to be
attractive, but it does not matter that much for their attractiveness to males, as their internal state does not
affect their bodies significantly. However, being self-conscious is something you have to avoid at all
costs as a male.
Unfortunately, the worst mistake that you can make when you attempt to improve your confidence is
to become more self-conscious, but it is also the most common mistake. You become acutely aware of all
of your actions, no matter how small or insignificant, which in turn hinders your ability to perform
anything that is more complex, such as engaging in more than one thing at once. You “choke,” or your mind
goes blank because you are thinking too much, which causes your conscious mind to interfere with your
nonconscious mind, which runs most of your life quite adequately without interference.
Real confidence calls for the complete opposite of self-consciousness; if you can tolerate
uncertainty, you will not focus on yourself at all. Instead, you will lose yourself in the moment. You will
not worry about other people and how they perceive you or be nervous about making mistakes. You will
trust yourself enough and require no more guarantees than that.
The practice of living in the moment while being aware of reality is a good and natural state of mind,
but being self-conscious, living inside your own head while being excessively conscious of your
appearance or manner, is a bad and unnatural side effect of your socialization. It is the result of having
heard too many comments that you should “think about what other people would think of you” and having
seen your own face too many times in manmade mirrors.
As with all habits, the way to stop this bad behavior is to replace it with something else, preferably
something positive. Instead of thinking about what other people will think of you, start thinking about what
you will think of yourself. Your own opinion of yourself should be far more important than others’
opinion of you, and no one besides you decides if it is.
Your mind can only be focused on one thing at the time. The implication of this is that while you are
worrying, regardless of what it may be about, you are busy inside your head instead of taking care of
reality. You cannot both worry and expect yourself to think about what you should be doing. You have to
choose one or the other.
Once your mind shifts from concern about what other people think of you to only concern about what
you think of yourself, you are free to focus on something else instead, preferably the woman you are
The internal dialogue of an unattractive male, however, tends to go like this, “but… what if… maybe
she… I do not know… she is probably… I think that she… I know what will happen already… if I do that
she will…” and other self-doubting phrases.
As soon as you notice that your thinking process resembles this pattern, tell yourself to shut up, focus
on the woman, and then take action before your thinking turns obsessive.
Pessimism might help keep you from ever being disappointed, but it is not a successful attitude with
women. This is why it is much better to expect positive outcomes instead by assuming the best while still
being realistic and then acting on those expectations. The point is not to delude yourself, only to point
yourself in the proper direction, which is why your assumptions should still be realistic. For instance, to
assume that women will like you a lot as long as you approach them like a man is a realistic assumption,
but to assume that women will like you so much that you do not have to do anything and can just wait to be
approached like a woman is not.
Since appearances matter so greatly with regard to your attitudes (that is, it is more important to
appear certain than it is to actually be certain), it is actually not necessary to have positive expectations,
as long as you at least always act like you do. Your attitude will catch up quickly, but in case it needs
some time to do so you should assume that women will react well when you approach them and that they
become horny as hell by the way you treat them.
Even more positive expectations like these are already embedded into the behavior and actions that I
describe throughout the book, but you should be aware of the concept and both act as well as react
accordingly. For example, if a woman tells you that she wants to meet you again, you must not act
surprised to hear it as if you were expecting her to turn you down. That will only make her suspicious and
doubtful about whether she made the right choice.
However, your genuine reactions will be based on your mindset, and until you have internalized a
more attractive attitude, you may have to control yourself and act like you have positive expectations,
even while you may still doubt yourself. This includes focusing on the most attractive females from day
one, the ones you really want, as if you can indeed get them. But you do not need status or anything else to
act this important; you are important to yourself, and you do not need to earn women, you are entitled to
them by birth. Hence, you are free to flirt with any woman you want.
To those still stuck in the mindset that women need to be earned, however, you will seem ambitious
when you simply approach the most attractive women directly.
To appear ambitious is the inevitable result of being confident with women as seen from the traditional
mindset, but it is also necessary to be charming, something we will return to later. Occasionally, you will
even hear women say that they like ambitious males, but males who hear this tend to do so through the
filter of their socialization. They believe it is at work they need to be ambitious, to have a strong desire
for success in society by wanting power, status, or wealth, while all that women really want is for males
to be ambitious with females — to be confident, dominant, and optimistic and thus to have high standards
for what women they approach — to refuse to settle.
Males who are unsuccessful with women, as usual, do the opposite. They simply settle for less
attractive females. It is a typical and inevitable result of males’ socialization when they feel that they do
not deserve any female at all or at least not the most attractive ones.
While some males settle for anyone they can get, the majority simply lower their standards until their
requirements are low enough to restore their confidence, when they believe that they are good enough.
Many males believe they have no chance at the most attractive females, but they feel certain enough to
approach less attractive ones. Thus, they might not have any problems at all getting girlfriends, but their
girlfriends are never especially attractive and never really the women they dream about spending their
time with because they have lowered their standards.
But if you have problems getting girls, it is never caused by flirting with women “out of your
league;” that simply cannot be the case since there are no “leagues” in the first place. You have to let go of
all ideas about competing for and trying to earn women. If you are not getting the women you want, it is
because your mindset and its resulting manners make you unattractive. Lowering your standards will only
lead to one of two results: You will either continue to be rejected, but this time by unattractive females,
or you will happen to get a female since you at least have not given up, but she will be ugly. You lose
either way, and that is far from ideal. Rejection by attractive females has to feel a lot better than rejection
by unattractive females, and when you do get the girl, it better be someone you actually are attracted to.
If you need more time and experience to be better with women, then be honest with yourself and
admit it, but make sure you get the practice you need with high-quality women, and nothing else,
especially women whose looks are so stunning that you feel intimidated by them. Your natural response
will seem to be to shy away and lower your standards, but that response is actually not natural at all. It is
a nurtured response. You should never, ever settle and lower your standards, because when you do, you
actually make your life harder.
Now, few males are ambitious with women, even though many can be extremely ambitious in other
areas of their life, like school, work, or sports — because they believe they have to earn women, and if
they have not they feel inadequate and, therefore, behave without confidence.
Even if a male only wants a woman because he likes her as a person, chances are he believes that is not a
good enough reason for him to get her. He believes he has nothing to offer her, as if he himself is not good
enough, even though the woman alone is good enough for him and he would be more than happy to end up
with her. Not only does he not care if she is wearing expensive clothes with the trendiest brands, but he
would also be more than happy to have her even without any clothes at all.
Such beliefs are unfortunately normal because most males are raised to accept them. Hence, they feel
(or act) inadequate, not good enough for and unworthy of women. Since the idea of the need to earn
women is deeply engrained in our society, it is normal to accept it without questioning it. Rather than
challenging why they are not good enough alone, or if they really have to be, males accept it and seek out
ways to become more valuable in the eyes of females. They try to become funnier, “wine and dine” a
woman, study for years to get a degree, buy a car or a house, work extra hours to afford a suit or watch of
a classier brand, or learn magic tricks to be entertaining etc.
Since most males also believe they have to feel certain on the inside to be confident with women and
because most of them believe that women want plenty of things that they do not have, they are likely to
lack confidence around women and feel inadequate to get them. Meanwhile, they will prioritize success in
society to feel certain that a female would be interested in them, and they will postpone the pursuit of
women until they feel worthy, expecting that there will be such a day.
Nevertheless, the real issue is actually not that males feel inadequate for women; it is actually that
they believe there is something that is good enough. Believing they have to earn women in the first place
is the real issue, because you don’t.
If this sounds like you, you have to change the way you think, as these underlying beliefs (this
mindset) will be noticeable in your behavior (your manners). Drop the notion of having to earn women. It
is fine to earn material things, but women are not objects, so it would be wrong to treat them as such.
The next time you catch yourself thinking that you do not deserve a woman; remind yourself that you
are absolutely right, but you are right because you do not have to deserve them. You still have to seduce
them, but that requires time spent directly with them, not long hours at the office or trying to save the
planet to prove yourself. Women are lovely, but they are still human beings, not divine goddesses that
require offerings, sacrifices, entertainment, or gifts from you, so you have to treat them in a realistic
However, males who feel inadequate do several other things around women in an attempt to
compensate for their inadequacy. You have to be aware of this and similar behaviors, even if you think
highly of yourself and do not believe you have to earn women, so that you do not turn women off. These
behaviors are common among adult males and taught to all children, in particular as part of the process of
creating “good boys.” However, the so-called good manners that most mothers raise their sons to adopt
insofar as how to treat females have more to do with how a mother wants her son to treat her, as she is the
primary female in her boy’s life. She does not want her son to have a sexual relationship with her, but
instead wants him to respect her above all else, to seek her approval, to be polite, to apologize, to explain
his behavior, adapt to her commands, follow her lead, and do as he is told. This submissive behavior is
the behavior a mother wants her son to exhibit when he interacts with her, but it is the opposite of the
behavior that is sexually attractive to women who are naturally attracted to men, not boys. Thus, when
boys grow up and apply these “good manners” with the women they want to have a sexual relationship
with, those women are repulsed. Since they still enjoy being spoiled, however, they do not mind keeping
the grown “boys” around, although “just as friends.”
To seek approval means to look to others for acceptance and informal permission for one’s beliefs and
behaviors. It is the kind of manners that are taught as polite and proper to all children. It is the way that
we are raised, and it is both natural and essential to actually get the approval from adults as young
children since we rely on them for our survival and well-being.
However, this is not a strategy that will get you very far in life once you become an adult yourself
because it means that you are considering other people’s opinion more important than your own, leaving
you vulnerable to the whims of other people and without trust in yourself (making you emotional, not
confident). Childlike manners only make females more attractive as adults, since youthfulness and
vulnerability are both feminine, but females are repulsed by grown males who still have it.
Now, other people’s approval is wonderful to have, but we behave dramatically differently when we
need approval as opposed to when we merely want it. When you just want it, you will be able to enjoy it
when you get it and it will not matter to you when you do not get it, but it will taint your behavior if you
really need it.
Males who feel unworthy, or like they have to prove they are worthy to women, tend to seek
women’s approval by eliciting specific childlike behavior the same way a young boy would seek his
mother’s approval. It is common for males to adapt themselves to better fit what they believe a woman
wants, to be more like her or whatever she claims that she wants, in an attempt to gain her acceptance.
They become more cautious with their choice of words around a woman, they try to avoid disagreements
by adapting to her ideas, they hide their own interests and pick up her hobbies or at least feign an interest
in them, they never speak their own mind, and they often clam up while their minds go blank out of fear of
saying anything “wrong” — as if women were attracted to women.
Then, at the first sign of disagreement or disapproval, they feel compelled to explain themselves.
Those who feel the need for other people’s approval usually volunteer explanations for their actions or
appearance. They have the urge to let everyone else know why they did what they did or what they really
meant when they said what they said.
However, this urge is really a manifestation of feelings of uncertainty and unimportance, which is
why a male should never spend time explaining himself to a woman. All such urges are about making sure
a woman is okay with a male’s actions because he fears what will happen if she does not approve, as if
she is the dominant individual. He lacks tolerance of uncertainty, which is what confidence is all about,
and makes it apparent.
If this applies to you, understand the following: You are not being nice, respectful, or polite by
seeking a woman’s approval. You are treating her like she is your mother. You are sabotaging yourself,
and the real reason you do it is because you are afraid of what might happen if you do not. You lack
confidence and probably do not have very high thoughts about yourself. Even if you disagree, that is how
women will nonconsciously perceive you, and unless she is your mother, no woman will appreciate such
behavior. Only your mother will applaud you and encourage you to continue down the wrong path,
perhaps even advise you to increase your futile efforts.
There is absolutely no room to explain yourself when you are flirting with women — neither before
nor after you make an advance. If you explain yourself before you are about to make a move, you risk
ruining your chances, and if you do it after you make a move, you risk ruining the success you might have
As confident behavior appears like certainty to other people, regardless of how sure of yourself you
really are, you reveal your internal insecurities if you start to explain yourself. A good rule to follow is
that it is always better to ask for forgiveness afterwards than for permission before. Even so, you should
not apologize more than once a month. Males who try to seek women’s approval tend to apologize a lot
more often than they should.
Women sometimes pretend to be upset or offended when you flirt ferociously with them, either to save
face or to test if you really mean what you say. Hence, it is vital to stand your ground and never apologize,
explain yourself, or take anything back because that would make you less attractive. You have to be
unapologetic in general, as you are not unyielding otherwise.
Only if you seriously mess up and say or do something utterly stupid should you sincerely apologize
for it, but if you are apologizing to the same woman more than once a month, something is wrong with you.
You are saying or doing too many foolish things. Or you were raised to believe your lack of confidence
and understanding of women makes you polite and that it is more important to be polite to women than to
be successful with them.
However, being unapologetic does not mean offending people intentionally just to show them that
you can. That would still seem like you care about other people’s opinion, which is the real issue, but in a
different way. When you deep down do not care about other people’s opinion, you do not talk about it.
Too many people still care enough to go around screaming that they do not care about what other people
think of them. If they truly did not care, they would not bother to say it aloud.
This is all part of the attitude that rock stars have. They do and say whatever they want, including
trashing hotel rooms and smashing instruments on stage regardless of what anyone else thinks about it. But
you do not have to be a rock star to get laid like one; you do not even have to be able to play an instrument
to get girls.
Nevertheless, while unsuccessful males are quick to apologize to women, they usually do not
demand an apology when women step out of line. Instead, they pamper them.
Males who are unsuccessful with women tend to tolerate a lot of bad behavior if it comes from a female,
particularly the more attractive she is and the more interested in her they are. They pamper women when
they have behaved unacceptably and let them get away with all kinds of behavior that they would never
tolerate from someone they had no romantic interest in.
They usually do this because they are “nice guys” who lack self-respect and have weird beliefs
about what it means to respect women. They believe they are treating a woman well when they are just
allowing her to treat them badly. It is a topic we will return to later, but for now, let us just say that you
have to allow yourself to get mad at a woman you date if she deserves it. Although it is rarely necessary
to scold a woman, a woman can sense whether you would be capable of scolding her or not.
If a woman does behave badly and deserves to be put in her place, you have to do so and not treat
her differently only because she is beautiful. However, you must not get angry, as it is not masculine to be
led by one’s weak emotions, certainly not when they are stirred by a female. Instead, state your
boundaries clearly, let your woman know that she stepped out of line, and that she must never do it again
— while still remaining calm so your behavior is not threatening, only serious. It is often only necessary
to be stern once, so the woman knows you mean business and really mean what you say. But do not scold
women for no reason in an attempt to demonstrate that you regard yourself higher than you regard them —
that will only cause more problems than it solves; you will seem to lack confidence if you try to put down
others to raise yourself, and you will seem to lack charm if your intent is to make others feel bad.
To make women feel attractive, a charming man will never treat women in any way they could
misinterpret as their not being attractive, including making a joke at their expense. If you approach them
with a lot of confidence, they will value your opinion too much, and such remarks will hurt their feelings
deeply, and that is far from charming. Your goal is to make women feel really good about themselves
without making them feel they are better than you are, but there is never a need to put women down to
To qualify yourself means to attempt to prove that you are indeed worthy and good enough. This is better
than acting as if you are unequal to women, but the problem is still that your behavior comes from the
perspective of feeling obligated to prove yourself — which you would not bother to do if you were their
equal or if you were dominant.
All males who believe they need to earn women are inevitably inclined to qualify themselves by
either consciously or nonconsciously bringing up how long they have studied, how much money they
make, what car they drive, what a nice area they live in, what they have achieved, how much alcohol they
can drink, or what gadgets they have etc. The problem is not that they talk about themselves but how they
do it. What they fail to realize is what happens whenever you try to qualify yourself. As soon as you do,
you communicate that you are inadequate by yourself or that you feel inferior and must prove yourself to
someone more important than yourself. This is instantly communicated by a male who cannot bring
himself to start a conversation with a woman in a bar without offering to buy her a drink first, but it more
commonly seeps out during regular conversations.
Many males think they are clever and believe they demonstrate how much of a catch they are when
they boast and brag to women, but they are only shooting themselves in the foot because if you really are
attractive, you will not try to create attraction. However, most males do not just try to qualify themselves;
they go a step further and try to impress women in all the various ways you can try to impress someone.
Starting in early adolescence, males compete over the prettiest girls’ attention and try to impress them,
usually by showing off. They engage in behavior such as riding their bike on the back wheel, fighting each
other, or doing their best to score a goal when the girls are watching. This same behavior continues into
adulthood, with more and more advanced attempts in bigger and bigger arenas.
However, a man would not bother because there is no need for him to impress women since he is
equal to them.
This does not mean that you cannot say impressive things to women. It only means that information
should come out unintentionally or as a natural part of the conversation when the topic comes up, rather
than blurted out with odd timing. If you are a doctor, for instance, it makes sense to say so if a woman asks
you what you do for a living, but if you just say it out of the blue, or if you ask her what she works with to
create an excuse to mention your own job, she will sense that you are trying to impress her, as if you are
not good enough otherwise and are submissively looking up to her.
You should never try to impress a woman you want. The paradox is that this will actually be a bit
impressive to women, as they rarely meet males who are deeply interested in them but do not try hard to
impress them. Most males boast and brag about themselves in an attempt to impress women and to prove
themselves worthy. Any male who avoids making that mistake will be much better off. However, it is
easier said than done for those who really feel they are less valuable than women, especially those who
feel so worthless that they are willing to sacrifice themselves for a woman or, worse still, for any female
who pays attention to them.
A willingness to do and put up with anything for women may look charming on paper, but the only people
who are willing to sacrifice themselves are those who have nothing of value to lose, and those who are
willing to be led by someone else are submissive.
That is not the type of male that women want.
You may regard women highly and adore them as long as you think even better of yourself. You must
never put them on a pedestal if it would cause them to look down on you, as it usually tends to do.
Although women love to be admired and appreciated, they still want a man to look up to, not down upon,
a man who deems himself important enough to deserve the best, including the best women. He would be
insulting them otherwise, not honoring them.
Males who sacrifice themselves for females allow women to get on their nerves, to walk all over
them, to push them around, and to take advantage of them. They accept verbal abuse, give up their
hobbies, and cancel their plans according to the women’s whims, often voluntarily. They are so
submissive that they will do anything, not because they love the woman so much, which is what they will
tell the world, but because they love themselves so little. They have no self-respect.
A charming man shows women that he appreciates them a lot, but never at his own expense. He
knows his boundaries and stands his ground at necessary times. He does so because he likes women and
sometimes you have to give women what they want by not giving them what they ask for. However, do not
tell women this outright, but keep this thought as a reminder of why throwing yourself under a bus for a
woman to show her how much you care is a bad idea.
Males who feel inadequate for women will feel an urge to compensate women for that perceived
difference in value between themselves and the women. Since the invention of money, they have used it in
attempts to qualify themselves, to demonstrate that they can be a good partner because they are good
providers, to try to impress women, or to pay for their company with the hopes or expectations of getting
sex in return. These actions are all in line with traditional socialization, which has fooled males into
believing they have to earn women and as if women are not as interested in sex and hence must be
compensated for the “trouble” of providing it.
Money is to most males what makeup is to most females — they feel they need it to be attractive to
the opposite sex. The biggest difference is that makeup works to some extent for females, while money
does not make a male more attractive unless he believes that it will. And for both makeup and money to
be effective, they have to be applied properly; otherwise, both males and females are made less
attractive. At the end of the day, though, the most attractive females do not need makeup, and the same
goes for the most attractive males — they do not need money.
Few males realize why they are supposed to pay for females when dating. Why aren’t females
supposed to pay for males, or why not split the tabs? Why are feminists who are outspokenly passionate
about equal treatment, including equal pay, not adamant about equal expenses as well?
The expectation for males to pay for females’ company is something that we all learn very early on
as part of all customs and traditions that belong to courtship, like paying for dinner and drinks when
dating and purchasing the wedding ring and wedding ceremony. We are not born with these beliefs, but
before boys reach adolescence they have already adopted them, and girls have learned them too, to the
extent of going on dates without even bringing their wallets or clothes that have pockets.
It is true that money can be used as a symbol to demonstrate that you care for a woman, but if it is, it
should be spent without the expectation of anything in return — and that is not how most males use money
with women. Half of males know that they are treating all women like prostitutes, while the other half
have not thought that far or even deny that they do — while still paying. Although they might never seek
out a “real” prostitute, if they knew from the start which women they spend money on will never get into
bed with them, they would cancel those dates and not spend a cent on them.
In that sense, most males treat the women they want like prostitutes to some degree, from young boys
paying for the girl’s ice cream to adult males paying for their girlfriend’s share of the apartment rent. The
fact is that few females mind this. The only difference between regular females and prostitutes is how
indirect and vague the transaction must be for it to be acceptable. However, the majority of females would
never call themselves prostitutes, not even part-time, and would take great offense if someone else did;
yet at the same time they all worry about being “cheap.”
Females who worry about being cheap have obviously already made up their minds that they can
indeed be bought, as long as the price is right and as long as the customer is a male they like. They are
unaware of having made this decision themselves, though, because they never did. Their socialization
made that decision for them. Plenty of prostitutes have the same requirements; they only have sex with a
male they like and only for the right price. The biggest difference between them and all other females is
that they are aware of the reality of their decision.
A prostitute is any female who has sex in exchange for compensation, even if she likes the male or
has turned down a thousand males before him. The only practical difference between a regular female and
a prostitute is whether cash is being exchanged directly. Exchanging money is a felony in most countries,
but accepting a gift, or otherwise an indirect transaction, is not only legal but also socially acceptable.
Giving of gifts is a practice that is even taught as good manners of a gentleman by mothers to sons.
Most males are raised with manners to give females flowers, chocolates, jewelry, or ice creams and
dinner, but even though none of that is cash, all are compensation. However, you do not have to pay for
sex, not with cash or by any other means of compensation, as the very idea that you have to compensate
women in any way is wrong. It would only be necessary if males were indeed less valuable than females,
which they are not, or if sex was a service females offer males, which it is not. Males are only less
valuable to society, and that is why we are conditioned to believe and act like it, including indirectly by
adopting customs and traditions based on that belief.
Society prospers if males believe they are of less worth because they will be willing to sacrifice
themselves — to work, fight, and even die for the “greater good.” However, if males want to prosper,
they cannot act as if females are more valuable than they are because women are not attracted to such
males. Thus, you should only pay for women you want to have sex with, on dates and such, if you are able
to do so without appearing to be compensating them for something. You do this by only paying for cheap
and trivial things, without ever expecting anything else in return and without making a big deal out of it.
Do this in much the same way you might pay for a friend’s drink and only expect another drink yourself
when it is time for the second round. But the best strategy is simply not to pay for anything, especially if
you are poor or dating many women.
However, you still want to avoid being seen as a cheap or rude bastard, as that is “uncharming,” and
chances are that you will appear so if you do not pay for your date’s milkshake or if you invite a woman
to dinner in a restaurant but then do not pay for her meal. This is quite easy to avoid, though; don’t put
yourself in such situations. Use a different approach to meet women than offering them a drink, stop
insisting on dates that cost money, and show that you care for your woman by the way that you treat her,
how you look at her, what you say to her, how you hold her, etc., instead of by buying her things.
To spend a lot of money on women that you have not had sex with is also a bad idea for a range of
other reasons. First, you risk making a woman feel uncomfortable, either by making her feel like she owes
you something or by making her feel like a whore because you expect sex in return. Second, it costs too
much, so it is not even possible to do this with every woman you want to have sex with unless you are
rich. Third, it is a gamble, not an investment, as you are not guaranteed sex in return. Fourth, it makes you
look inadequate if you appear to try to impress a woman with your wealth. Finally, it is unnecessary, as
most women are not attracted to wealthy males, but masculine males.
Even if you are financially independent and never have to concern yourself with money, it is still
best to wait to shower your woman with jewelry or pay her bills until after you have had sex with her so
you have formed a sexual relationship already. To avoid attracting the wrong kind of women, the ones
who are indeed gold diggers and who use their male’s wealth as if it were their own. Such women
represent a tiny minority, however, but it will seem like all females are gold diggers if you approach them
as if they are and start to spend money on them before you have had sex with them. Many females have
noticed that they can take advantage of males who feel inadequate and try to buy their affection. With
plenty of males buying them drinks in bars, paying their entrance fee to nightclubs, showering them with
gifts, paying their bills, taking them shopping, or even traveling, they gladly accept with no intention of
ever “paying” back by spreading their legs in gratitude because sex is not a favor females grant males.
Since having money will not improve your chances with women at all unless your confidence is
linked to it, it would be smarter to spend a little time breaking that connection rather than spending even
more time making more money. With the connection broken, you will have a lot of spare time to spend
with women, and you will not be stuck in the hamster wheel of work for the rest of your life. Make money
only for yourself, not for women, as the pursuit of money will severely slow down your progress with the
ladies. Life is short, and your time is limited.
Money is a great invention, but how much money you make is correlated to how valuable society
thinks you are, not how valuable you or women deem you to be. It should not be a factor in your selfesteem
or affect your confidence.
While offering women value in the form of wealth is unnecessary, you do need to offer them genetic
value in a form that has helped females survive and reproduce. You have to be masculine and behave
confidently, but your confidence should be based on courage, not on certainty.
As the popular misconception holds that confident people really are certain, the common approach to
increasing one’s confidence is not to adopt the range of behaviors I have been describing in this chapter.
Instead, most males attempt to increase their certainty, which means they try to acquire all the things they
have been led to believe women want, like fame and fortune. When they finally do acquire these things,
their chances and success with women do increase slightly, but it increases regardless of what they have
acquired, as long as it is whatever they believed they were missing and it causes them to start taking
proper action with women.
This is why there are so many males who preach about the significance of so many different things.
They claim to have discovered the secret to getting girls, while the only thing these different men have in
common is confidence. It does not matter that they may be deluding themselves or that what one man
believes to be his key to success may actually contradict the belief of another man.
This explains the wide variety of methods and strategies that different men use and recommend.
Some claim that their chiseled abs get them all the girls, some are convinced it is their downtown
penthouse, some believe it is because they are handsome or funny, because they have a big penis, drive a
sports car, make money, dress well, dance well, have a dog, or are a doctor. The only thing they have in
common is that they believe they know what women want and they believe they have acquired it. That is
the key; they possess so-called confidence, and with this inner conviction they give themselves
permission to take action and start talking to women with the positive expectation of being attractive to
them. This is why so many different approaches can work to some degree, including weird, lame,
contradicting, and complex methods.
Males link their confidence to so many different things. They will tell you that their special trick
matters because it does for them, but it would not have to matter at all if they were not convinced that it
A woman will not reject her prince, her Mr. Right, just because he does not drive an expensive car,
and she will also never ditch her man just because he loses his ride unless his confidence disappears
along with the vehicle. Those who manufacture and sell those cars will, however, do their best to make
you believe that you cannot even get that kind of woman in the first place without their product.
However, if you feel lousy and not good enough because you lack something outside yourself, then
the answer is not to acquire that thing. The solution is to get your act together and challenge the bad social
conditioning that affects you. Your time alive is limited, so you must prioritize. If you spend more time
working on your muscles, drinking with your mates, or fixing your apartment than you do approaching and
flirting with women, then you are prioritizing the wrong things if it is women you truly want. Nothing
other than the ideas in your head matters unless you make it matter to you: Whatever you believe is
important will affect your confidence, and if you lack that thing you believe matters so much, women will
notice your low confidence, and all of a sudden it becomes a real problem. Do not make it a problem!
Understand that you already have what it takes to go after all the women you want. It is just a matter
of taking proper action, and taking action should be your number one priority, not chasing things you do
Whenever you wonder if there is something you need to get girls, a good first step in the right
direction is to consider if the matter you contemplate even existed long ago during “the age of cavemen.”
If the answer is no, then it is likely you do not need it now either. That simple thought experiment does not
rule out all that is unnecessary, but it instantly rules out money and cars, for instance. Once you do know
how to seduce women all by yourself, feel free to decide on your own if there is anything else that you
really want, like all of the things I just mentioned women do not require. By then you will know exactly
what you want. You will know that many things you used to believe you needed you can do just fine or
even better without. All of a sudden, you might think it is okay to take the bus to work, that dancing is not
that interesting anymore, and drinking beer with your mates is not such an awesome way to spend your
This does not mean you should give up your entire life, however, but you ought to make sure you do
whatever you do for yourself and not because you have been led to believe bullshit. If you enjoy working
out and hitting the gym a couple of times a week, then keep on doing it for yourself, for all the health
benefits, and for the joy of exercise, but do not do it because you want to impress women with your
muscles or because you believe all women want a man with a flat stomach.
However, even if all men who are successful with women believe they have what women want, it
does not mean that all males who believe they know what women want will therefore be successful with
women. For instance, the typical “nice guys” who are so unsuccessful with women are convinced they
know what women want, like exaggerated sensitivity and full-blown romance, but they still fail with
women because the actions they take are ineffective.
Feeling certain is overrated if the feeling does not propel you into proper action. As confident
people merely appear certain and certainty itself is irrelevant, a much better way to increase your
confidence is to learn to tolerate uncertainty — to build courage. This means being able to cope with
situations even when you lack certainty, a much more useful trait that can help you in all of life’s
endeavors. Simply believing does not get you anywhere. You always have to take action, and as long as
you are taking the right action, whether you believe it will work or not does not make a difference.
Thinking cannot get you anywhere; action does. It is not the thought that counts.
If you consider confidence to be nothing but certainty, the way it is described in the dictionary, the
only way to increase it would be to increase your certainty, to study and practice more. However, if you
see confidence as the appearance of certainty based on an ability to tolerate uncertainty instead, you will
find that there are two ways to increase your confidence. You can still study and practice, which would
reduce the uncertainty that you would have to tolerate, but you can also increase your tolerance of
uncertainty itself, so even if some uncertainty remains, you would not be bothered by it.
As uncertainties always remain and you cannot really be certain of much, this is the optimal
More often than you think, the people you label as confident are not certain at all; they are merely
able to tolerate uncertainty. If you accept that women only care about your appearance, your life will be
easier because appearance is something totally under your control, unlike feelings. You can act certain to
appear as though you are sure of yourself by walking and talking as if you are, regardless of what you
think of yourself. People around you will believe you know what you are doing, though, as they cannot
read your mind, and you will be perceived as more spontaneous, secure, relaxed, candid, direct, fearless,
straightforward, unpredictable, adventurous, bold, brave, and interesting. Women often describe a man
that they are attracted to in these terms without realizing that they are all byproducts of his confidence.
This is why women find men who take risks sexy, but you do not have to be a firefighter, be a surfer, join
the army, ride a skateboard, or ride a motorcycle to get girls.
Women love balls, but you do not have to risk your life to attract women, and I would advise that you
not do so. Life is too short as it is. However, you do have to face your fears if you are afraid of things that
are harmless. Many males are, and the ones least successful with women are even intimidated by women.
All fears are related to uncertainty. When you are afraid of something, you either do not know what will
happen next or you believe you do know what will happen but do not know how to handle it. The
uncertainty causes anxiety within you to build, and you may even become paralyzed or panic.
Fears are actually a good thing; they keep us out of harm’s way by warning us so we have the chance
to prepare or run away from the unknown — from what could be dangerous — which is why our
socialization instills many fears in us; we are not born with any fears. For instance, we are taught to fear
strangers and to fear failure through stories of the horrible experiences of others, without being introduced
to the differences in each situation because we are unable to assess such situations when we are young.
This has helped humankind survive for a long time, but occasionally it hurts us as individuals. It is no
longer of any help to us when what we are afraid of is not dangerous at all.
A fear can be either rational or irrational depending on whether the situation really threatens our
well-being. A few things in life are undoubtedly good to be afraid of, such as everything that endangers
our survival, but women are not dangerous. They are neither deadly nor poisonous, so fearing them is
irrational. Yet, it is common for males to feel intimidated by and anxious around women.
In fact, most males are afraid to approach a good-looking girl, but they live in denial of it by simply
avoiding talking to such women and then rationalizing by lying to themselves and to anyone who brings it
up. And many males are capable of risking their lives by going to war while serving the military, bashing
through a burning house as a firefighter, and dealing with dangerous animals. Yet, they cannot bring
themselves to walk up to a woman and flirt with her in front of other people. They cannot even maintain
eye contact without shying away when they find themselves alone with a lovely looking lady in an
This type of fear is irrational since women are harmless; not only are females more vulnerable than
males but aggressive behavior is not feminine either.
Nevertheless, few males actually understand how critical it is to deal with this irrational fear if they
are ever going to end up with a woman they want. You absolutely have to deal with it, as women are not
attracted to cowardly males because the more easily frightened a male is, the less confidence he has, the
more vulnerable he appears, and thus the less attractive he is to females. It is obvious that he is not
masculine and would therefore be unfit to protect her and her children better than she could on her own.
You should avoid showing any signs of fear when you are with a woman you are interested in, so it
is definitely not a good idea to come across as a coward during your first interaction. If you were to freak
out in front of a female because of a deadly animal, you might get some sympathy from a few females, but
none of them can comprehend that women could frighten males the way that they do. It seems absurd
because it is.
However absurd it may be, an irrational fear cannot be dealt with using rationality alone. No amount
of reasoning, pondering, or hours of reliving childhood memories in therapy is going to do any good
because the fear does not make sense to begin with. It is irrational, yet you will still feel afraid after
realizing that you have no good reason to be afraid. You have to identify this fear as nonsense and then
ignore it. Accept that you feel afraid, but go ahead and act anyway. It might not be easy, but it really is that
simple, and in time, the anxiety you feel will vanish as your erroneous beliefs are proved wrong through
How much effort it takes to appear certain even when you are not depends on your internal ability to
tolerate uncertainty, on how courageous you are.
All of us are able to tolerate uncertainty, but to different degrees. Some people do not even dare to
ask a stranger for directions if they are lost, while some might be able to relocate abroad to take a new
job among people they have never met before. Regardless of your level of tolerance, however, you can
always increase it by deciding to challenge yourself every day, bit by bit. Do things that you have never
done before. Take action even if you are afraid to do it. Stop worrying about the outcome or what other
people think of you. Take more chances and seize the moment. Expand your comfort zone by exposing
yourself to uncomfortable situations.
Your comfort zone is the imaginary boundary in your mind within which you feel safe and secure. It is a
combination of beliefs about what you are capable of (what you feel certain about), and every time you
attempt something you do not believe you can do, you feel varying degrees of discomfort and insecurity
(you feel uncertain). You will have problems staying relaxed in mind and body; you will feel anxious and
afraid; and you will start to worry.
But to expand your comfort zone, you have to step out of it as far as possible, as long as possible,
and as often as possible. There is no easy way to do it, and the hard way is the only sure way to
permanently increase your confidence.
However, having a large comfort zone in general does not necessarily mean that life will be easier
when you deal with women, and if women make you uncomfortable or perhaps even intimidate you, then
you must seek more face time with them despite your anxiety. Fortunately, since women are not dangerous,
your actions do not really constitute taking a risk when you expand your comfort zone with them.
Those who are most uncomfortable in uncertain situations, those with the least courage, often like to
state that some people are born this way and you cannot change who you are. There is some truth to that. It
is just that some people are not born courageous, all of us are, and you can change who you are; in fact,
everyone who is not courageous anymore has obviously already changed.
We are all born with confidence that is based on a high tolerance for uncertainty rather than a high
degree of certainty. Our natural confidence cannot be based on certainty since we have not acquired much
of that at a young age. We are born as curious risk takers but part of our earliest social conditioning
involves repressing this behavior. Both fears and doubt are instilled in us to ruin our confidence and make
us more cautious. This is all done with the best of intentions, of course, so we do not kill ourselves while
carelessly exploring the world before we understand how dangerous it really can be.
However, when we have grown up and can take care of ourselves there is no more need for that kind
of help. We are smart enough to tell the difference between rational and irrational dangers and no longer
have to err on the safe side and be afraid of everything that is unknown. Yet the way in which we were
raised often left us with a strong fear of the unknown, a fear of anything unknown, a fear that stays with us
even as adults and causes all kinds of problems.
If women intimidate you, then I know you would love to hear that there is an easy solution or at least
something easier than facing your fears. But if you learn only one thing from this book, it should be that it
is that very mindset, your lack of balls, that has kept you from having the women you want. You cannot
keep doing the same thing repeatedly and expect a different result. That is either madness or stupidity.
Women dream of being swept off their feet by men, and you do that by approaching and interacting
boldly with them. Because of your socialization, however, it will be uncomfortable at first. You will feel
anxious or afraid, but that is a good sign! Those emotions are all signs that you are most likely doing or
considering doing the right thing — something confident.
Obviously, your initial reaction will be to avoid all sorts of effort and discomfort. This is why
introductions, personal ads, and online dating will always be popular. However, none of those popular
approaches will ever be effective because women are attracted to males who are more likely to avoid
such venues — men who have the balls to talk to women face to face.
Therefore, as long as you look for ways to make meeting women easier, to make yourself feel more
comfortable, you still have work to do. You need to push through discomfort, not avoid it. The safer you
think you play, the less you actually play at all.
Feelings like anxiety might have kept you from approaching women, and fear of rejection might have
kept you from showing your intentions, but surely doing things that go against your feelings have not
always stopped you in other areas of your life. You have probably had to speak in front of your class,
mow the lawn, clean the house, pay your bills, file your taxes, get vaccinated, or even get up in the
morning despite not feeling like it — several times. Doing things despite not feeling like it is part of
living. The biggest difference in this case though is that the result of your “effort” will be a lot more
enjoyable than getting a good grade in school or having a clean house. You will end up with something
that actually matters to you.
Old males on their deathbeds with their reasoning still intact do not regret getting poor grades or
wish they had spent more time cleaning the house; they regret not taking more chances, not seizing the day,
and not enjoying themselves more, in particular with women.
The more times you face your fears, ignore your worries, and live through so-called embarrassing
moments, the less power over you these learned emotions will have. They will gradually diminish.
Eventually you will realize how ridiculous they are, and all those kinds of feelings will disappear
altogether. Until then, you have to have faith in yourself. Whatever happens, happens. You will handle it.
You really cannot be certain of much in life anyway, so being able to tolerate uncertainty will improve
your life on all levels. This is the only way to permanently and truly become more attractive to women as
courage is nothing but unconditional confidence, and it is the most valuable thing you can offer a woman’s